With each passing day his heart tore at the seams breaking a little more in tell in time there would be nothing left as the threads pour into the black hole of nothingness. John wasn't always a lost soul and there was a time when it seemed things would never be this way but now there seemed no hope to find him self again. Each day only brought his conclusion and acceptance of a lonely death closer to a reality.
Living in a small town in Montana by the name of Mill Creek he felt out-cast and surrounded by those who didn't understand him. Pulling himself through school remaining quiet and pushing his pain deep inside weakened and destroyed him. After finally making it through high school which he thought never possible it only forced him into another prison of routine and responsibility that led him no where. After months of searching he acquired a minimum wage job working at a gas station dealing with the very people who didn't understand him daily.
Why would he work such a job when it seemed to be the worse suited thing for him and the way his personality was? Well, life was desperate and he had to do something with it other then sitting around waiting to roll over and die. So he went to work every day and got into another routine and did surprisingly well even when dealing with customers though he was introverted making it very draining. Each day he only grew more tired and exhausted in tell it reached a level of constant exhaustion which he simply ignored pushing his way through life doing what he had to as he always did.
A few times he would get a small hope and think things would maybe get better but in the end it always left. One girl would start to fall in love with him and then forget about him before managing to unbury his heart. Some times he'd even give in a little and try to help his heart be free'd from it's lonely prison letting himself care as much as he could and hoping for it to grow in to something more. Wanting to fall in love and have a reason, but in the end it would be the same. She would let go and move on because he didn't fall in love strong enough or fast enough to make her hold on.
In October it seemed to simply skip over fall and go straight to winter letting snow fall not two weeks in to the month. Halloween hadn't struck and already the ice was freezing the mornings and snow would come and go through the day. It seemed wrong to look out your window and see so much white so early in the year. What happened to fall? What happened to the gloomy months that were so beautiful to him with the drizzling rains and blowing leaves that floated across the streets in the air?
Working the midnight shift one night he was leaning against the counter and simply staring into outer space. Often on the late night shifts he would write or work on cleaning up the store but everything that needed to be done had been done and he didn't feel up to much of anything. It was rare that a customer would come in so his being there seemed almost pointless but worth getting pad because he wouldn't be doing anymore at his small apartment other then sitting staring blankly at a computer screen or laying in bed trying to sleep for hours on end.
Almost nodding off he was quickly forced awake as the opened causing a ding to fill the store. In walked a girl with long black hair and a black dress. Some how she seemed to remind him of someone he used to know though he couldn't think of why. Standing up he watched as she went to the back of the store grabbing a 20 ounce of sierra mist out of the fridge and then slowly walked to the counter.
"Just this for you?" he asked as she got to the counter.
"Yes, please." she nervously replied
Something seemed weird about her actions as if she was somehow afraid of him or made uncomfortable. Feeling curious and worried he had done something to offend her he asked if something was wrong.
"No, it's just been so long?" she said looking down shyly towards the counter.
Suddenly a bit of realization came to him of something he almost thought a dream. A girl that had meant everything to him for longer then he could remember popped into his head but it didn't seem possible it could be her. After losing her he moved across the country to try and start a new life. From his memory over the years no matter how hard he tried to make things ok and be friends she refused to even so much as talk to him so why would she end up here at his gas station as though she meant to?
"Is there anything else I can do for you?" he asked unsure how to respond or what to do.
"Can you forgive me?" she looked up at him tears beginning to well in her eyes.
The pain of her tears was so much that instincts from so long ago he thought he'd lost suddenly took over. Lifting his hand to the side of her face he caressed her moving her hair to the side.
"It's ok sweetie, I forgive you." he whispered looking her in the eyes his own tears starting to form in the night.
Reaching over the counter he wrapped his arms around her best he could then lost himself in a long moment kissing her neck where hair lay brushing against his lips as he squeezed her tightly. Hours could have passed and neither would have noticed. It was only after the counter started to bruise his waste from leaning against it that he got up to move around the counter and then take her in his arms again.
"I've missed you," he whispered in her ear. "I've never stopped loving you and I never will."
"I missed you too," she sobbed causing her to kiss away her tears and hold her closer.
"Promise me you'll never leave, I can't lose you again," he began crying harder causing his nose to run a little.
"I promise."
Suddenly another ding filled the store and his eyes opened and no one was beside him leaving him still behind the register leaning on the counter. In walked a man with long brown hair covered partly by a winter cap and he wore a brown jacket. Going straight to the counter he asked for a pack of cigarettes then left leaving John alone once again. Of course it was a dream it had always been a dream. Perhaps the girl had never been real in the first place now it seemed he couldn't remember. All he knew was that a love was too deep inside of him to leave.
At 5:30 AM another employee showed up to take over the morning shift allowing him to shift out and make his way him. Counting up the money in the register and doing all the needed paper work he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. Snow was gently falling and a cold wind almost knocked him over.
Getting in his beat up car John got on the freeway and made his way home. Dropping on the sofa he fell asleep never caring to take of his shoes or even make his way to bed. Another dream came of the girl from the gas station and this time he asked her what she wanted. He asked if she was ever real and why she still haunted him.
An enchanting reply came that seemed to float in the wind from far away "Because I need you." her voice came elegantly through the woods that surrounded the two of them in a grassy field.
After a few seconds he started to realize where he was remembering how they had once laid here looking up at the stars holding each other close. Was that a dream too? Was it all a dream? Could it have been real?
Waking up at 3 PM he desperately tried to remember the girl’s name. In the dream he had forgotten to ask and his memories didn't seem to hold the answers anymore. Lying for another two hours he tried to recapture the dream and bring her back. Even if it was only a dream it was the only meaning he had found in a long time and he could never resist feeling in love even if it was just a dream that never came true or maybe it had but never stayed.
Going to work that evening the thought was completely wiped from his mind as he tended to the things that needed to be done. Bathrooms needed to be cleaned and floors had to be mopped.
After finishing all that needed to be done he once again sat behind the counter starting to zone out forgetting where he was and once again the door brought him back to reality. In came the same man from the night before asking for cigarettes once more only this time adding "and give me your soul."
"Excuse me?" John asked confused and caught off guard.
"If you want to know who she is and have a chance to be with her again give me your soul," the man said seriously looking right at John.
"I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I think I'll keep my soul if I even have one left. Here's your cigarettes. You have a good night," he told the man hoping he'd just leave.
"You'll never find her with out my help," he informed John grabbing his stuff and heading out the door.
Nothing else of importance happened over the night but he was kept wide awake in deep internal conflict trying to figure out what was going on. Could the man really know about the girl in his dreams? Who was he and why would he want his soul? The devil? John didn't even believe in heaven or hell really. In honesty he didn't believe in much of anything anymore.
After a long night of contemplation he finally got off and went home laying awake in bed for hours slipping in and out of a dream like state as memories and thoughts poured through his head.
Finally getting up and feeling tired of life and all the confusion he got in his car and began to drive not sure where he was going. Something seemed to guide him as he made turns this way and that heading down the highway and into a town he found himself at a graveyard. Feeling curious and like a walk he stopped and made his way through the cemetary looking at the different headstones wiping the snow aside to see the names of those who had died.
Unaware of the passing time darkness suddenly began to creep over the world as the sun sank behind the hills. Cars abandoned the roads and a silence fell upon the place. Above the moon was seen shining through a hole in the clouds that still misted the earth with a gentle snow.
Finding himself suddenly alone in the dark he tried to make his way back to the car finding it hard to pick his way through the darkness. A long twisting path led him here through a mess of trees and over grown bushes which now seemed haunting and almost frightening.
Trying to subdue his fears and make his way through the maze he tripped over a branch finding himself face down in the snow freezing his face and making him feel miserably cold. Now all he wanted was to get out of here and get home. Why had he let it get dark? Why had he come here in the first place? Oh well, nothing he could do about it now but get through it and make his way home. The story of his life, just get through it.
Picking him self up off the ground and once again making his way through the darkness he fell yet again this time catching his ankle in a log twisting it as he fell. Pain shot up his ankle and through his leg making him scream out profanity. Seemed things were only getting worse.
Trying to get up it seemed impossible to walk and he couldn't see as it was. There was no way he was simply going to just lay here in tell morning but he wanted to just sit down and wallow in his pain waiting for everything to be better again just like he always seemed to do.
"Sell me your soul," came a voice surrounding him "Sell me your soul and I'll make everything better."
"If I give you my soul will she be happier?" John asked of the trees.
"You will have the chance to make her yours," came the reply.
"But, will she be happier?"
"If you make her happier then she will be."
"You're just avoiding the question and talking in riddles. Leave me alone. She doesn't exist and would never want to be with me even if she did. Now go away and leave me be," he commanded of the voice.
"As you wish," and the voice was gone leaving him the feeling of being the only one left alive.
Crawling on hands and knees he slowly made his way through the trees and found his way to the car. By the time he got in the car he fell exhausted on the seat feeling like he would die. Letting himself breathe for just a minute he turned the car on and then moved his right ankle so he could use his left foot to drive. This ought to be interesting. If he makes it home alive it'll be a miracle.
No one was on the streets which made his poor driving a little less terrifying but every turn still made his heart pound with the fear he'd hit some ice and not be able to react quick enough. As if his fear weren't already bad enough the snow began to pick up starting to storm making it near impossible to see.
Somehow he managed to make it home in one piece and fell exhausted on the bed. Whether it was a dream or not he was unsure but the voice came again taunting him that he'll be alone forever in less he offers her soul.
"Screw you I'll always be miserable. Doesn't really matter anymore anyways. Not like I deserve happiness."
As quickly as it came the voice was gone once more leaving him to slip into a dreamless sleep or at least one which he couldn't clearly see.
Waking up in pain he grabbed the phone calling in to work explaining his injury and that he may no be able to make it to his next shift which was the next night. Telling the manager he would try to still make it but that he wouldn't be able to do more then watch the register she said she understood. If need be the morning shift could just work a little more to take care of the cleaning he usually got done but it would be almost impossible to get someone there for the night shift.
Spending the next few days in bed with ice on his leg it seemed like his usual day off other then the dull throbbing. Watching tv the day seemed to go by slow falling in and out of sleep for the remainder of the day and night. How was he supposed to work tomorrow? God, could someone just shoot him now? It just all seems so pointless suffering every day for nothing in return. Hell, he couldn't remember the last time he felt true happiness or any sort of happiness for more then five minutes. Maybe he did something wrong in life and deserved this.
Falling into another dream, things started to come clearer to him. The girl was Elizabeth and had been his back when he lived in California; back when he lived in the place where it never snowed because he lived in northern California right near the Washington border. All they had was the ocean and maybe one short lived snow fall a year. The snow he once loved and danced in with her at his side was the snow he now dreaded bringing it's freezing chills and difficult driving conditions. His favorite time of the year now became his worse enemy.
Upon waking once more the man from the store was right next to him looking down at him with a snake like smile on his face. If you won't sell me your soul then I'll still it. His eyes turned yellow and he bit violently in to John's neck inflicting as much pain as possible draining the blood from him. Once he had drained almost every ounce of life from his body the man slit his wrist letting the blood fall into his mouth.
Even the joy of becoming what he had always dreamed about was not enough to force John's anger into submission.
"God damn you," he shot at the man "I didn't want to sell my soul even to live forever. You know how many nights I have laid awake just begging for death? And now you curse me to live an eternity? What kind of monster are you?"
"Only the worse kind," he smiled "and you ought to be thanking me. Many would give anything for the life I have given you."
"Oh go to hell. You think I care what others want? Screw you and your kind. I'm sick and tired of this life."
"Just a little ungrateful aren't we?"
"Whatever."
John got up and left the room finding a human on the street and draining there blood violently in his rage. Quickly the heart stopped beating and he paid no attention to the images that flashed before his eyes. Three more victims were taken that night in tell his blood lust had finally been fulfilled leaving him to the realization of what he had done letting crimson poor from his eyes in newly formed agony.
Remembering the girl he made his way to California. Finding a coffee shop with internet he searched online to try and locate the girl. After countless searches he finally found a name that seemed right and wrote the address down.
Knowing not what he would do when he got there John started on his journey. It took longer to contemplate what to do then it did to get to the address he had written down. Standing outside of the window under the darkness of the sky he looked in seeing a girl lying in bed sleeping. It had to be her his heart leaping out of his chest.
Using powers in his mind John made the door open and shut it silently making his way through the shadows. Sitting on the girl's bed next to her he looked down and rested his hand on her head gently playing with her hair.
Rubbing saliva on his wrists to keep his wounds from healing he then bit hard into his wrist making sure to pierce the vein. Repeating up both arms in tell blood was quickly pouring from his body he laid down and wrapped his arm around her. Somewhat surprising him she held his arm to her and he put his other arm under her head holding her close. Closing his eyes he fell into a sleep which he would never awaken from.
