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Paulette's blog: "My Ramblings"

created on 09/25/2006  |  http://fubar.com/my-ramblings/b6567

A Hard Night

Last night I sent off a plane to Iraq. Out of the 4 years and hundreds of planes I've sent off, I think last night was the hardest yet. Driving to the airfield I saw the deploying soldiers with their families. I'm always grateful that I don't have to see this happening. But last night, there they were. I drove on with a sense of sadness. This is the hardest part of what I do. I sometimes feel I help in tearing families apart. Even though I know I don't, it can be very depressing. So I make it to the airfield and set up all of our tables and wait for the soldiers to get there. When they come in the building we're there to greet them as them come in a single file line. I notice one guy passes me with his arm bandaged. Hmmm..ouch. Once inside they eat chow and then come thru our line for the care bags we give them. With close to 200 soldiers in the room it's hard to spend a great deal of time talking to each one. So I'm handing out the bags and this one soldier was asking me about the CD in his bag. He's looking at it..and he starts sniffling. I thought he was pretending to cry. so jokingly I said,"what in the world are you crying about?" My heart almost stopped when he looked up..his eyes were brimmed with tears..he said," I miss my daughter..I didn't get to say goodbye." I told him it was ok..that he wasn't saying goodbye anyway..it was just see you later. he went on to tell me she would be five before he made it back home. It was his first child and that she was his life. I kept trying to console him. I slipped an angel penny into his hand as another soldier came up behind him. He moved on down the table away from me. I helped the next soldier, but kept my eye on the other. I finally lost sight of him in the sea of ACUs. A little while later I was talking to my other volunteer telling her about him. She said I should try to find him if it was bothering me so much. I looked and looked and never found him. A soldier overheard me talking to her..and he spoke up and said he knew who it was and he'd make him come back over to me. About 10 minutes later he came back and said he heard I was looking for him. I told him yes I was..that my aunt wanted to talk to him. So he went over and I saw her writing down his info. I went into the storeroom to get more supplies and as I was coming out he was coming toward me. I smiled at him and before I knew what happened he was hugging me and sobbing. Right in the middle of the busy room. His face was just buried in my neck and the sobs racked his body. I hugged him back and told him everything was going to be fine..please don't worry..it will be fine..I promise. I tried so hard to help him..I didn't know what to do. People were staring at us but I didn't care. At that point he and I were the only people in the room. I kept saying it will be ok ..and he kept saying yes mam..I finally had to let him go and with great reluctance he let me go. He looked down at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen..he whispered..I'm sorry mam..I put my hand on his cheek and told him he nothing to be sorry for..he said thank you..and turned and walked away. By this time I too am crying..I'm trying so hard not to..but the tears are leaking out anyway. I went to the Adopt a Soldier table and found his card and got his name. About an hour later he was back at my table. He was trying to write a postcard home. But he couldn't write. He was the guy with the bandaged hand. I found out later he had dropped a TV on his hand and the pins were removed 4 weeks early so he could be deployed. Another soldier came up to him and wrote the post card for him. That was the most endearing sight. When they were finished writing he was walking away and I called him back over. I walked over to him and took my support our troops band off my wrist and gave it to him. "bring this back to me ok?" I told him. I told him I got his email and I was going to email him. Looking down at the wristband he said, "mam..what's your name?" I told him my name..and still looking down he said, "I want to thank you mam. I don't think you know how much you have helped me tonight..I really appreciate it." when he finally looked up his eyes were teared up again. I smiled and said..that's what I'm here for..and again he turned and walked away. I watched him go sit on the floor alone and look at the wristband. Then I put him on a plane and sent him away. And with a heavy heart I cried all the way home.
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