XaviRoseMaiden's blog: "Real stories"

Crazy  folk songs , and vegie mite sandwiches , blokes , sheilds and beer , are just some of the things other people think australians are known for , but there is so much more to this beautiful county , so much more to its kaliedoscopic landscape , so much histiry so much culture.. there are so many stories to tell about the hearts of the people there .  Living in Australia all my life until i finally left home at the young age of 20 .. 

Then spending my twenties traveling the world, in love with a soldier .. a small child to raise mostly on my own , while the man i loved was off fighting the war on terrorism .The baby grew up fast , being a first time Mum away from all that i knew and still being young and spoilt myself i made alot of mistakes but i also did some good things i taught her how to read , i taught her some basic german .. I taught how to talk to people to tell stories .. i did my best  to be a good mother .. 

it was kind of like the old war romances , see your husband for a while then he was gone a year , and then were tend to everything while he was gone , essentially they taught us to be independant .. not need them .. 

Month would pass slowly , we would keep everything on the calender .. the first month was always the hardest used to all the support used to having a man around , my lil one used to having her Daddy , but as the time grew on , we were to busy overselves , have a life outside what we knew .. they encoraged us to go out and explore .. we'd hear from him whenever he could he was good at that .. Sometimes you could gunfire in the backgorund .. in distance .. I used to  watch the news , but then i couldn't sleep at night .. cause i worroed too much . i worried we would never see him again .. I prayed for his saftey and even when things were bad i wanted him to come home and have his daughter again ..  The soliders wifes spilt into all different types of groups  to me there was the good loyal , hard working types ,  ones who waited patiently for thier soldier to come home . I spent some of my time around those people .. but i still saw the other types .. ones who had boyfriends while thier soldiers away , ones who even went as far to get pregnant .. some who spent all the money the soliders earned while in Iraq . 

you couldn't believe the things they would buy to fill the void of loneliness .. wall to ceiling cupbaords , fancy gold jewellry .. movie collections that would ast a lifeime .. we didnt have much connect with them but we could them send them things , send them box of what they wanted , and they only asked for the every basics .. living out in the field  , was kinda like camping to a civilian  but in iraq it was even worse .. but thier lives were in danger . the heat  was enough to most most people sick .. and the gear they had to carry .. weighted on heavily on thier tired shoulders .. they barely ever got a decent nights sleep .. 

Us wifes we lived for every phone call , every letter , anything a just a word to know we ok . it wasn't a life for everyone .. the divorce rate skyrocketed even while they still out there .. the Army wasn't the place to have a family but they tolerated it .. knew it  would happen , the gfs in the army didn't get anything no support .. i felt bad for them .. i was one once .. back in Korea . 

Some wifes decided to stay stateside with thier families and have all the support ..they needed .. but most of us couldn't bare the thought of not being there when they stepped of the plane .. some of the families were lifers .. they were doing 20 yrs in so they could retire and never had to worry ahgain .. 

one deployment was enough for me , once i knew the bombs were so close , once i understod the true danger of it.. ll . i couldn't under any cirrcumstances sent him out there again .. i remember worrying   how i felt if he lost a limb .. i remember thinking i'd have to cope with that . 

but the hardest things were night times while other children were tucked up in thier beds by their Daddies , her Daddy was off at war .. the questions were hard to answer too .. especially while she was young ..  "where's Daddy Mummy .. and even before that  just crying for not even to speak .. just wanting him .. and having him .. those time were the worst .. 

i tired to compenstate her room was filled with toys .. it was hard to find her sometimes .. she had own tv , own movies .. i just wanted to give her everything .. Well didn't work just made her a brat . We live and we learn , as long as we are real our selves . Some of us never want to grow up and sometimes we don't .. 

But to me to grow is to change , to change is to adapt , to find a way to survive .. most people who haven't lived a hard life woudn't make they wouldn't have the determation , just wouldn't know how to deal with it .. but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger ....