There are some things you just don’t say in some places.
In crowded movie theaters........you don’t scream, “FIRE!!”
In church..........you don’t yell out, “Dayum!! That usher got a phat azz!!”
On an airplane.........you don’t holler, “This PLANE is da BOMB!! Allahu Akbar!!”
I mean, you CAN… but doing so will most likely have unpleasant repercussions.........
And the same goes for in the office.......there are a multitude of things you don’t say........
And what’s more...... there are a multitude of things you don’t want to hear.
I have a pretty good idea of the shyt I don’t like to hear in the office....And the list isn’t that long seeing as how my last office was like 90% male....so the topics can be a bit wild — which makes for a quick day and hilarious conversations.
For instance.....I remember once hearing a fairly simple comment that was like a speedo made of sandpaper…
meaning… the shyt rubbed me the wrong way.
okay.....peep game...... the Australian Open was on, right....and In the office.......we keep the TV’s on because.....mainly we were a bunch of dudes....and aint nothing we like better than videos and ESPN......
A crowd of about 5 of us were talking and half-watching the match......except for me… who was watching intently… as if I had bet 5 grand on it.......
One dude says, “Kav, you actually like tennis??”
My response, “Hell nahhh! I just like Serena!!”
To which someone responds, “It’s ’cause she’s got a big ghetto booty!”
Normally, this wouldn’t bother me....except for the fact that the dude who said it was white.....That alone made me cringe and I immediately turned into that smart azz dude that has trouble playing nicely with others:
“Actually, no she doesn’t. Ghetto is a term originally used to describe the part of the city predominantly inhabited by Jews.
How many azzes you think there are in Tel Aviv that look like Serena’s??”
Sensing my discomfort.....white dude.......who really is a good guy, immediately backed down and said the obligatory....“I’m kidding” and “I didn’t mean anything by it.”....
And I actually felt bad for putting him on the spot when I could have easily just let the shyt slide.....
I started to wonder if he felt comfortable enough to say that because we all get along so well in this melting pot of an office.....
or if I’d some how communicated to him that we were all Digable Planets an’ shyt…
ya know....cool like that.
And then I realized it wasn’t me.......but it was another dude.......a Black dude.......that worked with us that had opened the door to such “freedom of speech.”
Now, I’m not going to say that he’s an “oreo,” because that’s too sophomoric a title to give him....
But suffice it to say that he ain’t a brother’s brother.
“What the hell is a brother’s brother?”
A brother’s brother is a Black dude who other Black dudes think is a real Black dude....
And the operative word isn’t “real” in that last sentence — it’s “think” as in perception — so don’t even start that real=stereotype crap!
Anyways....
Look, it ain’t that he listens to alternative rock exclusively.....
It isn’t that he talks like a surfer from Southern California though he is a product of the Hurt Village projects in one of the worst areas of Memphis.....
And it isn’t that he says shyt like, “I didn’t know that guy Ty was a rapper…. I saw him in that movie called Alt.”
For those of you slow folks at home, he meant T.I. in the movie ATL.
None of that..... This brother ain’t a brother’s brother because he doesn’t like Black women.
“Awww Kav, that’s some bullshyt!!
You’s a stupid muhfukka to think that!!”
You may be right......but gotdayum it....
I stand by it.
I just don’t understand how a Black man can be 37 years old.....single.......and have never slept with a Black woman…. unless his name is A.C. Green…. or E. Lynn Harris…
Nah, scratch that… I STILL don’t understand!
Hey, look, I’m all for people having their preferences.....
Even as prejudiced as I may come across in this here blog.....
I’ve certainly partaken of the interracial nectar.
An attractive woman is an attractive woman.....
A smart woman is a smart woman......
An ambitious woman is an ambitious woman.....
And guess what??.......I like smart, attractive, and ambitious women!
Sure, I have my preferences......but I’ve never ruled a woman out for dating simply because of her race.......
And skin color certainly means nothing to me since the Black women I’ve dated have been as black as Matchlight charcoal to as light as an Aspen snowbunny......
But for a Black man to go out of his way to NOT date Black women????
To not give a Black woman a chance just because she’s Black??
I be damned if that’s a brother’s brother.
Then it hit me........If he had said that “ghetto booty” comment.....I would have had the same level of discomfort I had when my white co-worker said it..........
And it was proven in a conversation a few days later between just him and I while we were discussing his inability to bag the finest Japanese chicks.......
He claims he can’t get one because:
“The finest Asian girls only want the nyggas!”
I cringed.....
Though it was just he and I… and we’re both Black…
I cringed when HE said the dreaded n-word....
And we ALL know that I’m no stranger to the word!
In fact, the statement he made sounds like some shyt I would say! LOL.....
Except for one word that, to me, seemed to make all the difference:
“The.”
He said THE nyggas....... See what I mean??
You don’t?? Well, watch this…
Some Black people would say, “Ya know, Blacks are moving to the suburbs now.”
Some racist folks would say, “The Blacks are moving to the suburbs now.”
Subtle distinction. But the “the” distances the speaker from the group in question.
And while I would LOVE to distance myself from the “nyggas,” — like that strippin’ azz heffa who got caught in all kinds of lies in that Duke lacrosse case...and had just as much semen on her draws as that white girl that got Kobe....
.....or those kids interviewed in the Washington Post the other day who thought MLK, Jr helped abolish slavery.....
....or the slew of ig’nant muhfukkas commonly found on that hot ghetto mess website...
.....or in your local “look who was at the club last night” photo site....
the reality is you can....but you can’t........
We all in this shyt together… even if we live in different zip codes.
‘Cause for real, one of my prerequisites when buying a home is to ensure it ain’t around a bunch of nyggas....(real talk)
A brother’s brother recognizes the collective responsibility in being part of the race and trying to progress it........
Not one revered Black person in history has ever only fought for the “good Negros.”
So when I meet Black folks who think of Black folks as “them” folks instead of “us” folks, the comfort level for me drops.....and I'm Cuban...but I'VE ALWAYS CONSIDERED MYSELF BLACK!
which is funny cuz I was just talking to my friend Mya....a biracial chick.....who only wants to go to the most ghetto clubs....lives outside of Chicago but hates house.....doesnt like R&B...and thinks Donna Summer is Disco.....and that Luther Vandross didnt do any uptempo joints...and dont get me started on her opinions of Earth, Wind & Fire.....
If it aint Lil Jon saying "Snap Yo Fangaz"....she thinks its lame....
which is strange because shes is a fan of the doors and Janis joplin....
pshhh....whatever....
Im not the dude you are gonna find in those spots.....mainly because those "Nyggas" are not like me.....which I guess is wrong on my part....
However....I would like to refrain from getting my ass blown off during a gang fight...
anyway....I grew up with those kind of peeps....and I do have love for em.....
I’ll drink with them......
I’m cool with them........
Hell, I even genuinely like some of them.
But I like Bob from accounting, too.
And I’ll be damned if he can shoot the shyt with me about ghetto booties and how nyggas get all the fine women.
That’s reserved for a Brutha’s brother.
