Faerietale's blog: "faerietalesuicide"

It as been quite a while since I blogged and I wish I could come up with a good reason. But honestly if you asked me what I have been doing these past 9 months I dont even think Id be able to begin to to tell you. I feel like Dori...my mind is the size of a grape and I cant even remember if I ate breakfast. But all in all it is beyond worth it...
 
Jayson is wonderful, preparing with me for his sister, as much as he can. He puts his toys away now and throws things in the garbage...he still hasnt once put a marble in his mouth and his fave thing to do in the world is read and cuddle. I never thought I could be so in love with anything in my entire life. And here I am ready to do it again, bringing another one into our happy love bubble. Kaylin is 9 days from being here(give or take how stubborn she wants to be) and I am beyond excited.....and scared......and anxious...
 
I have finished my phone tree...with everyone that needs to call evryone. Who is most important to be then when I go into labor and it will filter off from there. If you specifically want a call or text message me and ill put your name down(though i honestly dont know who will be calling). I do however have someone that is going to be updating all of my sites so that people will know what is going on.(thanks Jenn!)
Other than that I am taking the day to relax...I have felt very disconnected lately. It has been a whirlwind since I got up here. I have been working like crazy, trying to spend as much time with Jayson as humanly possible and still keep my head straight... the last part is the hardest...
 
I have found out through ways I never wanted to what true friendship is really all about, I have found out how hard it is to lose the people that you think know you best and gain people that you never thought you would ever talk to in your life.I have found out what the words best freind really means. I have felt more than alone, and more than scared quite a few times. and it hasnt really stopped. I have begun to question everything and everyone which maybe I should have been doing from the start. But my life is about to change all over again and I know I am finally ready to really breathe and move on from the games.
 
Im anxious...because when Jayson was born I knew where I was going into labor, what hospital I would be at, who would be there and who the first people I wanted to know/see were. Now honestly i dont think I could tell you any of the answers to those questions anymore. Part of me wishes I had started my maternity leave already so I have some time to settle down. But alas...I needed the money too much to do that.
 
So now comes the rest of the planning, what I still need and what I have to do in order to get everything prepared for my new little girl. I have gotten and influx of wonderful things from amazing people so please please let me say thank you now if I havent or thank you in advance if you are sending something. It means so much that you thought about me and my kids.
I need
burpie cloths
pack n play sheets
onesies
nursing bras
nursing shirts
a pump
a baby monitor
bottles
binkies
and clothes...(its sad when her older brother has more clothes then she does lol)
 
I am working on getting all of these things but it is slow going right now. I know everything will be perfect once she is in my arms. I honestly cant wait to take that first family picture and introduce Jayson to her. (instead of them beating each other up with only the skin of my belly in between)
 
My life is about to change, once again, and i look foward to each passing day with my beautiful children. so thus the countdown....9 days....wish me luck =^D
 
Love and light