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MONDAY'S JOKE
LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time ?" Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business."'
******************************************************************** TUESDAY'S JOKE
Sexual Maturity
Little Johnny was charged with the rape of a grown woman, and though the crime seemed highly improbable, the evidence was overwhelming.
As a last, desperate move, the defense counsel came over to the witness stand, pulled down Little Johnny's pants, and grabbed his tiny penis for all to see.
"Ladies and gentlemen," the lawyer cried, turning toward the jury box, "surely you cannot believe that such a small, still undeveloped organ is sexually mature?"
Growing more agitated he went on, "How could this miniature member be capable even of erection, let alone the rape of a fully grown woman."
"WATCH IT," yelped Little Johnny. "One more shake and you'll lose the case!"
******************************************************************** WEDNESDAY'S JOKE
Heaven
Daddy is explaining to little Mary that her cat Piddles has died and gone to heaven. He then explains that the reason Piddles' legs are sticking up in the air is so that God can reach down and lift him up to heaven.
Little Mary tearfully nods her head and says goodbye to Piddles.
A few days later Mary's daddy comes home to find her crying again. "What is the matter now Mary?" daddy asks.
"Mummy nearly died today" explained Mary.
"I went into the bedroom to find mummy lying on the bed with her legs in the air and she was shouting "Oh God! Oh God! I'm coming, I'm coming" and if it wasn't for the milkman lying on top of her she would have gone".
******************************************************************** THURSDAY'S JOKE
A Little Johnny Groaner lol
teacher asks her class " if you didn't have skin what would you want your body to be covered in?" Little jimmy pipes up " gold miss, coz when i scratch myself i'll get a little pile of gold then one day i could buy a Porsche" "well done jimmy nicely thought"
Little bobby immediately goes one better..." platinum miss....coz its more expensive than gold and i would be able to get a Mercedes and a Porsche" "yes yes well done to you too bobby" said miss ...
Little johnny thinks for a minute then shouts out " pubic hair miss...coz my sister has got loads between her legs and you should see the motors outside her house"
******************************************************************** FRIDAY'S JOKE
Little Johnny's at it again
Eight-year old little Johnny asked his mother the age-old question: "How did I get here?"
His mother told his, "God sent you."
"Did God send you, too?" asked little Johnny.
"Yes, dear," the mother replied.
"What about Grandma and Grandpa?" Johnny persisted.
"He sent them also" the mother said.
"Did He send their parents, too?" little Johnny asked.
"Yes, dear, He did," said the mother patiently.
"So you're telling me that there has been NO sex in this family for
200 years?
No wonder everyone's so grumpy around here."
******************************************************************** SATURDAY'S JOKES
Sex Education
Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning Sex Ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board. "Does anyone know what this is?" She asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!" "Two of them?!" the teacher asked. "Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth!"
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What Johnny Wanted For Christmas
Little Johnny had been waiting in a long line to sit on the department store Santa's lap when he finally gets his turn at it and climbs up.
Santa say to little Johnny, touching the little boy on the nose with his finger, "I'll bet you'd like a puppy for Christmas."
Johnny shakes his head, "No."
Santa touches the little Johnny's nose with his finger again, "Well, then I'll bet you'd like a kitten for Christmas."
Johnny again shakes his head, "No..."
The department store Santa then asked, "Well then, what would you like for Christmas, little boy?"
Johnny replies with a big grin, "I want some pussy!!!"
Santa, startled and almost speechless, stutters, "Well, I don't have any of that!?!?"
Little Johnny, touching Saint Nick on nose, answers back smiling, "Yes you do, because I can smell it on your finger!"
******************************************************************** SUNDAY'S JOKES
Little Johnny
Little Johnny goes to his dad and says:
Johnny: dad, can i ask you a question?Dad: Of course son what is it?Johnny: Well dad, is god a man or woman?DAD: Well son, god is both, he is man and womanJOHNNY: ok, and dad, is god black or white?DAD: Son, he is both, he is white and blackJOHNNY (with a puzzled expression): Dad, can i ask you one more question?DAD: Sure son, go for itJOHNNY: Dad, is Micheal Jackson God???
---------------------------------------------------------------------- LITTLE JOHNNY AND GRANDMA
Little Johnny greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.The grandmother was curious. What trick is that my dear, she asked.
Little Johnny replied, I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the damn walls if you came to visit us again.
