860 points to go to get me to the next level, and so i post a blog...just some tips to people who order pizza...
1) turn on your goddamn porchlight...how the FUCK do you expect your pizza to be delivered on time if NO ONE can see your house?
2) If you do turn your porchlight on, make sure your numbers are legible FROM THE ROAD...I dont care how pretty your numbers are i cant find your house if i cant SEE the numbers...
3) Speaking of numbers, those wooden block numbers are the worst piles of crap numbers you can get...i cant read your numbers when the shadows they cast upon themselves turn your street address into 1 (3 or 8) circle (8, 6, or 0) 7 east 14th
[ooh, profile rated '10'! 855 points to go...thank you, sexililcrazyangel!!! now go rate her profile everyone...]
4) please understand that the time we quote you when you call is just an ESTIMATE...we're not mind readers and we dont know all the circumstances that will happen that will slow us down, so shut the fuck up!!! as long as your pizza is there around an hour after you called, you have nothing to complain about...
5) also, if we are there later than we anticipated, 9 times out of 10, it's not the driver's fault...don't bitch the driver out...don't fuck him/her out of the tip because they were 5 minutes late you dumb fuck...
6) tipping is not just encouraged, it is expected, as it is in a restaraunt..."How much should we tip the driver then, jeff?" you may ask...generally, $2 is considered an average tip, more than that is definitely appreciated...
7) the level of difficulty in delivering your delicious pizza should also be considered in your tip...if i almost run off the road 15 times on the way to your place and you give me $1, i want to fire bomb your house...
8) also, if you order more than like $30 in pizza, 10% would be appreciated...you wouldn't tip your waiter less than 10% and that's basically what i am...except i wait to your front door...which is more "luxurious" so you should want to tip more, logically...
9) in support of 8), the more pizza you buy the more difficult it is for me to get it to you simply because IT WEIGHS MORE...each large pizza weighs typically between 3-5 lbs...multiply that by like 4 or 5 pizzas, plus 5 or 6 drinks, plus the weight of the bag and drink carrier, im carrying 30-35 lbs pretty much every time i leave the store and bring you food so you dont have to make it yourself or even leave the comfort of your sofa...
10) If we screw up and you end up getting a free pizza...tipping is still appreciated...99% of the time the driver had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the crappy service you got...on busy days, all i do is grab a stack of pizzas and deliver them for four hours, I didn't make them wrong, dont blame me...and when a pizza is free, all the tipping rules are null and void...ANY tip is greatly appreciated...
11) generally, just be kind to your driver, the driver is usually the bottom of the totem pole in the store and the whipping boy for every unhappy customer...just remember, they are out there driving through the conditions you wouldn't dream of driving in so that they dont have to, only to be yelled at for being 5 minutes late and screwed out of a tip because the cooks were being lazy...
hopefully that will get me some points...IF YOU READ, Comment and rate...damn that's long...i wish we got points for length of blog...
