August 26, 2006, 11:59:pm
Why do I want to get thin? My health. If it were not for my pain levels, I wouldn't mind staying fat. Deep down I know I can still be pretty be I fat or be I thin.
But the pain, omg it drives me outta my mind. I've spent years with lower back problem because of my work. Too tall for the tables and even over looking my weight, too big chested to lean. Put all that together and you have a screwed up back. I was able to get outta that situation but the damage was done.
I've lived with it for 13 years now. Found out that I've now developed arthritis in my spine. Can we say stunned yet relieved.
I finally found a doctor that listens to me. Didn't take one look at my fat self and say "Loose weight!." She said women have a harder time loosing wieght. I damned near cried. I still get teary, lmao@myself.
With her help, I've finally gotten to where I am not eating pain pills like they are candy. I hate pain pills. I would't take them outside of work unless I was in horrible pain. She put me on Darvacet and it helps enough that I can make a 1 month Rx last almost 2.
I do take some occasionally when not working so I can do more housework etc. I'm getting to be a lot more active now that I can do things without wanting to scream in agony.
I'm even starting to like myself a lot more. I've taken the first steps to get out more often. The pain had me feeling worthless for years. Always had to please others, bend to their will.
Am I still that way?
Hell no. No more. Now I'm gonna please me. I am important enough to want to do things for my own pleasure.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still a very giving purrson. But its now a give and take situation. No more just taking. Anyone that wants to be lucky enough to be part of my life has to know what true friendship is, know what true careing is. Well all except one area in life but thats for me to know and only special people (males) to find out rotflmao!
Hey, I didn't pull a SideTrackedKatt tonight lmao.
More to be written later.
