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My name is Arron Schoeff. I'm the oldest among a 5 child family of 4 different fathers. I was Born a bastard and came into existence 30 some odd days after my mother's 16th birthday 03/01/82 in Phoenix AZ where I was raised for most of my life. I'm 6'2" 160lbs White American male. Sports and academics came easy to me for the most part throughout my youth but because of neglect, abuse, and family dysfunctions I suffered from depression and became a victim to the selfishness and immaturity of my flesh. During the brief moments of achievement and success experiences I still found myself lost or trapped by overwhelming feelings of disconnection and loneliness which further manifested into a cycle where I became a perpetual victim. My mistakes and failures of the past 3 decades are truly shameful but with great remorse and a desire to repent, I refuse to give up and will pursue redemption with all of my being for the rest of my existence even if such redemption appears or becomes unobtainable.
Religion was not only disrespected and abused but was forced upon my siblings and I in a truly dishonorable way. But even so I always found myself in deep thought with prayer as my only true friends and mentors. I can even testify that during my early to mid-20s some things I prayed for were granted but I was not mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with such blessings and I experienced in depth all facets from the parable of the sower. At the age of 18 some experiences culminated into a growth spurt of maturity that exposed the lies and fraud within myself that I used as survival to hide my weaknesses and insecurities of my youth from others. After this I began reading more of the bible and as much as I didn't want to believe I just could not deny or lie to myself about the truth and wisdom that seemed to smack me in the face as I read. To this day I must admit I still have not read the entire bible or as much as I should. But a love and passion for truth began to develop in me and eventually became a bit of an obsession. From then on I held a high regard and deep respect for some of the great spirits from history like Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Albert Einstein, and Gandhi just to name a few, even though my knowledge of these people was and still is very shallow by my standards. There was always something about Einstein that seemed to connect with me even though I knew practically nothing about him and my understanding of physics was even less. Of those listed I became most influenced and inspired by Gandhi. As my obsession with truth continued to grow I began performing experiments of truth upon myself but did not realize I was doing so. It was not until I gained more knowledge of Gandhi and read about the experiments of truth he performed upon himself did I understand and become aware of what I had been doing.
I'm most guilty of taking advantage and resting on my laurels even though such grievances were not my intention and most of the time was unaware of such indiscretions I still feel responsible for my shortcomings. Most of my life I was consumed by this feeling that I did not belong or I felt like a fish out of water. But I've been able to maintain quite well because just about anything I have done or put effort into has yielded above average results. This is something I began to judge myself by in a way. I felt like I had no real talent. All I could ever be was a B- or maybe every now and then I could muster up an A+ or 2 but in the end I would just be above average. Then I would tell myself grow up and be thankful for what you have. Think about all those who are below average and have to work so much harder than you. So for quite some time I just accepted this. My talent was to be above average in most if not all that I do and be thankful. Oh how ignorance is bliss. This worked for a while and I had some peace.
Then there came 9/11. It truly is a day I will never forget. The evil of that day continues to haunt my existence. I was woken up from the ringing of a cellphone. If I remember correctly it was around 9:34am or 9:37am. I grab my cellphone with one hand and bring it to my ear as I'm rubbing bits of crust out of my eyes with the other. "We are being bombed, quick turn on the news, its war we've been bombed" my mom yells into the phone. Still trying to collect my bearings "what. Being bombed war... uh?" I say in pure disbelief as what has just been said to me does not compute. Blankets, pillows, and couch cushions are now being launched across rooms as I embark upon a violent search for the T.V. Box. The mother of my first born walks calmly over to the T.V. and presses the power button. When this was being written a flood of unexpected emotion is thrust upon me with such force all my wind is knocked out as I'm left without hope of rescue to drown in a tsunami of sadness. I find myself in shock just how long ago this day was and yet the vividness of its memory rivals all other memories of my existence. Still in the midst of my relentless search I'm hearing stress and confusion from reporters. First something about a bomb or bombs has hit a trade tower. Then something about a small Cessna like plane may have crashed into the tower, as if it's all just some tragic accident. I abandon the search head to the T.V. to turn up the volume and maybe check reports from some other networks. I turn the volume up and step back a bit as a reporter continues on about how a private jet or some similar size aircraft is the cause of this horror I see before my eyes a crater spewing black smoke out the side of the tower as if it was an exhaust pipe on the world's biggest semi. I raise a hand to cup the awe of my jaw and continue to watch in utter shock and amazement as this never ending sea of blackness floods the sky. Then out of nowhere as if it were a thief in the night what appears to be a commercial size airliner plunges into the other tower like a hot dagger through flesh. I fall to the ground in complete despair clutching every straw of disbelief that my mind offers up as some kind of relief to the agony of tragedy that's before my eyes. Thoughts begin racing through my mind as new information begins to be unveiled as if it where some portraits of a president and his first lady at the white house. This is a terrorist attack. Other planes have been hi-jacked by terrorist and are heading for the Pentagon and the White House.
I was never really into politics and I did not know anything about the Bush family. I didn't even know anything about the election fraud or any of the other shenanigans the Bush's may have been involved in. I was under the impressions and assumptions that seemed to be expressed by most Americans and by many that were more educated and professional than I. We have nothing to worry about. We are the super power nation. Nobody fucks with us and if or when something does our Military is going to handle it in a victorious fashion. I remember sitting there wondering just what our president was doing and what was this country going to do in response. With strong passion and misguided confidence I pumped a fist and said something like "oh ya we're going to kick some ass now" Next thing I know less than an hour later not the 1st tower that was hit but the 2nd tower begins a rapid descent perfectly imploding upon itself with some super natural force or military precision that no demolition crew has ever accomplished to such perfection.
My love of this country and my love of culture has become my inspiration. I'm a college virgin and will pop my cherry by majoring in Homeland Security. My goal is to allow education to be my pimp as I become an online college whore for the rest of my life.
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