Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was refused an investment by a VC. Once. Chuck Norris read the entire blogosphere. Including splogs. Chuck Norris invented blogging in 1974 in order to keep track of people he roundhouse kicked to the face. Flickr gave Chuck Norris a funny look. Now you know why it needs a massage. Chuck Norris doesnt search Google. He just stares at the screen until Google pops the website he needs. Chuck Norris does not build to flip. He builds to roundhouse kick to the face. Chuck Norris has more friends on MySpace than Tom. Chuck Norris did not get acquired by Yahoo. He traveled back in time to 1849 and started Yahoo! himself. Now you know how the gold-rush started. Chuck Norris showers with AJAX but no water. Chuck Norris is the real brains behind Ruby on Rails. Chuck Norris does not use a web server. His beard serves HTTP. The bubble burst because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it to the face. Chuck Norris does not use tagging to remember websites. He roundhouse kicks them to the face then they remember him. Chuck Norris doesnt validate. All standards are required to conform to his content. Chuck Norris has an open API. His right leg, coming straight at your face Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If youre still alive, its because Chuck Norris loves you. Chuck Norris isnt hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you cant see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mothers womb. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesnt get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.