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PittsburghNick's blog: "Blogs I wrote"

created on 11/01/2006  |  http://fubar.com/blogs-i-wrote/b20318
Ok, someone sent this to me, I just thought i'd add my two cents and let girls know the real answers.. ~Nick 1. Guys don't like sluts even though they have sex with them! Nick's response... this one is absofuckinglutely correct... We don't like them... WE LOVE THEM! 2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone. Nick's response... WRONG!!! When we say this what we really mean is 'do you have time for a two minute quickie? or maybe even just a bj' 3... Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about. Nicks response... Wrong again!! As Will Farrell put it in old school: "I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling..." 4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes. Nicks response... This is true, once the girl starts talking she usually goes on forever! By the time the guy gets a chance to say anything we already forgot what we were going to say 5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. Nicks response... If by smile you mean T&A then yes this is true 6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him. Nicks response... If he is desperate and insecure 7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method. Nick's response... All guys want to hear about your ex is how much bigger and better you are than he was in bed. 8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to. Nick's response... Not true, as long as the other guy is a tool 9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved. Nick's response... NOT TRUE!!! A boyfriend needs to be reassured often that he is still going to get laid 10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend. Nick's response... Talk about your girlfriends and how you always wanted a 3some. 11. Guys get jealous easily. Nick's response... Only if his girlfriend is hotter than yours 12. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think. Nick's response... If they are gay 13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out. Nick's response... The real thing that the guy is thinking is "you know what?! I'm horny lets make wild boar sex'.... Mean thats not how you were going to end that sentence? 14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like. Nick's response... We are also flattering when we are drunk (even if you make rosie o'donnel look good) 15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway. Nick's response... Sorry ladies! I'm not missing lunch for you any time soon nor do I try. 16. Girls are guys' weaknesses. Nick's response... Along with beer, porn, football, pizza, xbox, concerts, fast cars, monster trucks, dogs, and watching animals fuck in the zoo.... now don't you feel speacial? 17. Guys are very open about themselves. Nick's response... Whatever the girls wants to hear..... 18. It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long. Nick's response... By too long you better mean 6 hours 19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend. Nick's response... Yeah, chicks dig me 20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice. Nick's response... Oral will work just fine 21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you. Nick's response... No! When I say hey! Get your Stank Ass in the kitchen and bake me a pie... I am really in the mood for pie, not trying to tease you. Plus you should probably take a bath. 22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationship. Nick's response... Yeah, if your name is Christina Ricci 23. Guys will brag about anything. Nick's response... If by brag you mean exaggerate than yes 24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot. Nick's response... Or thinks saying it will get him in your pants 25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant. Nick's response... Quite the opposite, guys are dumb and have an attention span about the same as a goldfish's... What was the question? 26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused. Nick's response... NOPE! Guys seek advice from other girls so they might (eventually) have a back up girl... 27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships. Nick's response... True 28. Try to be as straightforward as possible. Nick's response... As stated before, guys are dumb and can't read your signs and signals 29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up. Nick's response... Um, what?? 30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl. Nick's response... JEEZ!!! How many times do we have to go over the fact that guys don't give two shits about what they did in the past? Chances are they forgot it already or mentally made it seem like they did the right thing!. 31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key. Nick's response... If personality means easy to get in bed... 32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience. Nick's response... Guys read... playboy 33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped. Nick's response... No, guys enjoy a girl that is whipped 34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside. Nick's response... Nah, you are probably just ugly or he is stoned, but you are most likely ugly 35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that. Nick's response... When a guy says this that means he still hasn't slept with her and it is killng him and he is getting ready to give up. 36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me." Nick's response... Actually you caught him firing up his grill.. Way to kill the mood! 37. Guys don't really have final decisions. Nick's response... Whoever wrote this is obviously single 38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up. Nick's response... When a guy starts talking seriously it means you are getting the boot 39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you. Nick's response... HAHA WAY OFF!! that just means he found out about your herpes 40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something. Nick's response... I wonder what color her underpants might be 41. Guys like femininity not feebleness. Nick's response... we also like ferries, unicorns, and gay bars.....NOT (not joke haha borat rocks!) 42. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do. Nick's response... or weigh more than they do or eat more than they do 43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes. Nick's response... the problem is that he wants to see you naked with his eyes 44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily. Nick's response... Not intimidated, we just hate bitches 45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much. Nick's response... This is not true when getting 'enhancements' 46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys. Nick's response... We do: "Do you think those are real?" "I wonder what color her unterpants might be" 47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more. Nicks response... led on = golddiggers 48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them. Nick's response... I'd hope I'm drawn more to them or I'd be hanging out at Pegasus 49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day. Nick's response... This just PROVES that this whole thing was written by a girl! 50. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it. Nick's response... Sure we can, thats why god gave us two heads to think with 51. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us. Nick's response... No, we are all jackasses... only some of us can hide it better than others 52. We don't like girls who are too skinny. Nick's response... If you can fall through the sewer in the street then you are too skinny.. otherwise get back on Jenny Craig 53. We love it when girls talk about their boobs. Nick's response... No, we like it when they talk about their boobs, we LOVE show and tell much better 54. Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not .... Nick's response... If girls knew the truth they would all be lesbians. If there is no lip herpe thats all you need to know 55. Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unoticable tell them about yours... Nick's response... um, ok 56. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually Nick's response... Either that or your fat ass is in his way 57. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.. Nick's response... Definately not true! I'm only ticklish in one place... wanna try to find it?? 58. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts... Nick's response... I'll take a neck rub from a 3 toed albino with a nipple on her hunchback as long as she's good at it... 59. Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times. Nick's response... Guys do that??? (can you sense my sarcasm?) 60. When a guy sacerfices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible. Nick's response... If a guy is sacraficing his sleep he is trying to get something and "wants to be with you as much as possible". HOPE THIS CLEARS THINGS UP! ~PITTSBURGH NICK
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