You might be a redneck if 56
You might be a reneck if...
The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.
You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.
You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.
You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.
You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.
You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.
Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.
Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.
You have to stop a leak in your flatbottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.
You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.
You might be a redneck if 57
You might be a reneck if...
You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.
The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.
Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.
You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.
You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.
When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.
Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".
You own more than two clappers.
You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.
You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.
You might be a redneck if 58
You might be a reneck if...
Your lawn mower has more horsepower than your wife's car, but no blade.
You roll your pickup truck and laugh about it.
You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool.
You think the blood on the back of your pickup truck looks cool.
Your pickup truck no longer has a back.
The worst day of your life was when you dropped your bottle of Jack Daniels the other day.
The best day of your life was when you found an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels "over yonder in them hills."
Your mustache is longer than your wife's hair.
Cruise control in your truck involves fishing line, a pulley and a hook.
Your gear shift lever is a pair of vise grips.
You might be a redneck if 59
You might be a reneck if...
Your most productive fishing lure is a Dupont drifter and a dip net.
City code enforcement officers use your property as a proving ground for new recruits.
You think Tang is in the fruit group.
You can hit a bullseye from up to 50 yards away, but still have trouble with your ABC's.
You've ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.
You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.
Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can't find it.
You think your IQ is the number of coons you shot out of season.
You ever wonder what happened to that nice John F. Kennedy boy.
The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.
You might be a redneck if 60
You might be a reneck if...
You've run out of room on your arm from the tattoos of all wives names.
You refuse to wash your truck on account that you have a strong suspicion that mud and rust is all that's holding it together.
People mistakenly come to your house thinking your having a yard sale.
You've ever told the local sheriff that you smell a pig and he replies, " I knew I should have taken a shower after I slopped the hogs today."
Your idea of a luxury car is one that has the white fur covered seats in it.
You think the internet is a new fishing tool.
There's a pothole in the road and you swerve . . . to hit it.
Your Truck has more Neon on it than the window of your local bar.
You argue to the government that the budwiser plant should be one of the 7 wonders of the world.
Your kids can't go out for Hollween because there's nobody within walking distance to get candy from.
