I'm an odd duck. I love surreal humor. I dislike fakery, douchebaggery, and general asshattery. I firmly believe 'the Situation' needs to get hit with a shovel. Then a dumptruck. Especially since we all know that overdeveloped abs eventually turn into jetpacks (its true, google it). I hate talking about myself. Even now, trying to write this, is like some sick Sisyphean task to punish me for my lack of humility. Ugh... done

OTHER KNOWN ALIASES:
Hart Thorn
EudamonisticBastard
Toad
Badger Ass
LovecraftianHorror
Captain E Bastard

Okay... quick rule. If I've never even TALKED to you, please don't Secret Admire me. It's... weird, makes me feel horribly uncomfortable and does little to cause an emotional affectation. Like me, Rate me, Gimme the Finger, I dont care. Just ease up on the admiration. If ya feel it, crush me. thats (ever so slightly) more real.

Also, I am an absurd, goofy, dry humored bastard. I enjoy riling people up and getting riled up. I am a notorious troll, esp on my big topics. I like to make out sized threats (things involving Taser-Bats, Sniper Rifles, and/or Molotov's). These are not serious. If I say I'm gonna skull fuck you, it's just hyperbole. I can't afford that many plane tickets people.

I am not a 'guy'. I do not get about 75% of 'guy' things. I have a penis. I understand how THAT works. The rest? Completely Baffling. Also: Not Gay. I am so !screwed. (math humor... new low).

And if ya wanna get me drunk, make it 3 fingers of irish whiskey with light ice. Make that a couple. Ah fuck just gimme the bottle.