You might be a redneck if 31
You might be a redneck if...
You have guns in your house that you cannot find.
You think a night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department is raising your truck another 8 inches.
You think Wal-Mart is expensive.
You've got more guns "On Display" than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.
You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.
Your horse wears shoes, but you don't.
It doesn't bother you when you walk through a barn barefooted.
You name your twin boys Jack and Daniel.
You ask your 10-year old son how to spell a word.
Your dog is your alarm clock.
You might be a redneck if 32
You might be a redneck if...
Your wife gets a hunting license so you can tag your second buck.
You have all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes on tape.
You can give a summary of all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes.
You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing the creek.
It takes you and 31 others in the same room to show off a full set of teeth.
You've ever stood outside a K-mart for more than an hour arguing with the manager about the shirt and shoes law.
You've ever gone Christmas shopping at the dollar store.
You've ever shoplifted Spam.
You don't understand why Bo and Luke never tried to get it on with Daisy.
Your son has ever stolen disected frogs from Biology class so that your family won't go hungry.
You might be a redneck if 33
You might be a redneck if...
You prefer the Sears catolog to Charmin.
Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.
You think deer hunting should be an olympic sport.
You have a set of 16 matching salad bowls, and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
You have to call the police more than once a week to remove your drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.
Your name is Billy Joe Jim Bob III.
You ever spent the night in the bed of your truck rather than paying for a motel room.
None of your zippers have all their teeth either.
You are driving the car you were conceived in.
You've ever used scissors on food.
You've ever re-used a paper plate.
You might be a redneck if 34
You might be a redneck if...
Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an invitation and there was nothing you could do about it.
When you hear someone talking about the king you don't know whether they're talking about Elvis or Richard Petty.
You complain about the ban on assault weapons because it make half your guns illegal.
You use a pig for a garbage disposal.
You can't go to church this year because your Sunday socks are being used as the truck's gas cap.
You think the vowels are E..I..E..I..O.
You clean your car or truck out with a leaf blower.
Your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.
You have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license.
You gave your young son a super-soaker water gun and an NRA application for his birthday.
You might be a redneck if 35
You might be a redneck if...
You smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing yourself all month.
A tornado goes through your trailer's yard and makes it look neater.
You've got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.
You have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet.
You think "Meals on Wheels" is another name for roadkill.
You shot your own 12 point coat rack.
You've been to the emergency room more than 3 times for mashing the wrong end of a thumb tack.
The number of times you've seen either Elvis or a UFO exceeds your I.Q.
Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.
You've ever lost a dog to a bush hog.
