You know, maybe I’m not cut out to be in a relationship.
Seems weird, to me at least, but it may just be the truth. Relationships where there is no passionate love, that is. I’ve tried the easy route, the getting-to-know-you route, the let’s-take-this-slow-and-see-where-it-leads-us route. The result is inevitably the same.
Nowhere. That road leads me nowhere.
I’m a passionate guy and I need a relationship which comes in like a hurricane, levels everything in its’ path and once gone, has left nothing but the world as it was before houses were built and life became complicated. Something which shakes the lives of all who witness it to its’ very foundation.
You know what I mean?
Does anyone truly know what I mean?
Am I weird or is this normal?
Sometimes I honestly think I should commit myself. You know, loony-bin and all.
I know there are about 15 million people out there who think they don’t fit in anywhere, my thoughts right now are no different from theirs. The pretention is in thinking that you’re alone to feel and to live what you’re feeling and living. I don’t think I’m pretentious. Arrogant at times, but never pretentious. But sometimes it feels like it’s too much. That everyone in this Goddamned world is neck deep in security and has forgotten what it is to truly love someone, others be damned, caution to the wind and all that jazz.
I have not forgotten the face of my father…it has blurred from time to time, but in the end, my sight has held true. It just seems like everyone else has fallen.
So I wander, and wonder. Does this world spin true? Are there hurricanes I have yet to see, storms without warning, lighning without thunder? Where has love gone and is it so far that mine eyes could not see it were they behind the mightiest looking glass?
Perhaps I’m just not made for normal relationships. I don’t know…
I’m doing the best I can, honest.
I don’t want to settle. I believe in great loves, in fairy tales and fair maidens. I believe that Magic does exist and that happy endings do happen if one sticks to the book till the very last page. I believe in living love, not shelving it because of what’s right or wrong. I believe in giants and tailors and 7 flies in one fell swoop, magic beanstocks, Big Bad Wolves, red hoods and the Grimm reapings of stories past. I believe that monsters do live under beds and in closets, that dimes can derail trains and that the only way back to Kansas is throught the huge city at the end of the yellow brick road, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do! I believe in all these things and in myself . In Pan I trust.
Bangarang!
This is me.
And you’re leaving.
