So are all relationships bullshit or just the ones that I find myself in? Yeah probably just me huh!? That’s ok . . . I am ok with that . . . I can deal with any fucking stupidity that is thrown at me. I have learned a great deal here lately about relationships and what I am hoping to gain from one. Now, I couldn’t have done that without the help of these lying and cheating assholes that I keep running across. I hold no ill will toward them, hell I thank them for helping me find my way. These are the men who have shown me he light so to speak . . . They have brought my revelation about . . . They have opened my eyes. I know better now what I want than I have in a long time, and I am not afraid to go after it when I find it.
I want everything . . . LOL. I want a man who is content with his life no matter what he is doing with it. I want a man who is not searching for someone to complete him but for someone to compliment him. I want a man who is secure enough in himself to show emotion but stable enough to know when to hold back. I want a man who likes to go out and have a good time but is just as happy sitting at home on the couch with a movie. I want a man who can make me laugh. I want a man who can make me smile even through my tears. I want a man who is strong enough to stand up to me but smart enough to know when to back down. I want a man who won’t walk away just because I am having a bad day. Yep, I want everything.
So, do I know this man? I don’t think I do. I may and not be aware of the fact that it is him though. I know many men . . . Could be one of them I guess. I have thought about some of them of course and whether or not they fit into that category and trust me not many do. A few show possibility of course, but these are the ones who know too much about me, the close friends, the ones that I opened up to one too many times. I could not see myself with someone who knows my darkest fears and desires . . . I can’t open up like that to people.
Yeah yeah yeah I know in order to get to that relationship I need to open up to people - I’m just not sure I can. No, wait, yes I can . . . I am a new me, after I hit 30 I decided to become a new person. I almost forgot. I’m not going to be the girl who stays away from someone because they may learn about her anymore. I am going to chase after and get what I want. I decided that I desire someone that I want and dammit no one is going to find them for me. So, hmmm . . . Now I’m going to be like some fucking hunter out looking for prey, lol.
Ok ok I need to push the keyboard away and remember that drugged up typing is never a good idea . . . Lol. Please remember that this was typed under the influence of Tylenol 3 and Vicodin . . . Not an excuse just the truth . . . Hehehe *MWUAH*
