I haven't aged normally, maybe partly because I have been vegetarian for decades so the crap they put in meat animals' food has not screwed up my metabolism. I'm a professional rock and blues pianist and in the places where I play, I attract the younger, more spectacular women as a regular occurrence.

I arrive at the venue and set up my gear. When I'm done, I look around the room. Whoever is the hottest unaccompanied babe in the room will establish eye contact. When it doesn't break, she will walk over and start a conversation. When I'm not intimidated, she will start to grin and touch me. When I start to tease her and give her a hard time, she will laugh. Her eyes will begin to sparkle. Now, it's time for me to play with the band, so she gives me a big hug and I do two things: I kiss her very lightly on the lips, then I breathe a little gust of hot breath in her right ear and then disengage, smiling at her, and turn and sit at the piano. In a significant number of these encounters, I end up making her that veggie omelet in the morning.

I'm currently taking applications.