tjtoaster's blog: "2009 Random thoughts"

 

I have had a few conversations on this topic recently. Usually it is someone happily pointing out my flaws. As much as I enjoy these conversations, they need to stop. It isn’t that I mind being told what is wrong with me; it is because you do not take responsibility for your part in it.

 

 I strive for perfection and am disappointed when I do not reach it not because I have high expectations of myself, but because you do. I have to be perfect, I have to be right all the time because that is what is expected of me. Too many people delight in every mistake I make, or love to point out the one time I was wrong.  Most people can slip up, make a mistake or fail at a task and it is no big deal. We never mention it again. I make plenty of mistakes, but I have to fix them. I can crash and burn, and still be expected to win the race.

 

 People can outright offend me, and it is no big deal. Treat me like crap, hurt my feelings and no one cares. Yet I have to watch what I do or say all the time. I had someone come up to me and tell me they were offended about what someone else overheard me say to a friend and told them. That is retarded.

 

 Yeah, I said RETARDED. Take your political correctness and shove it.

 

 It doesn’t bother me that I am held to a different standard, just hold yourself to the same standard you hold others to. Or in my case, I hold myself to a higher standard than I hold myself to. Next time you are thinking about what someone else does that makes you mad, make sure you don’t do the same thing.

 

 And to be clear, I am not complaining. I am not whining or bitching. I am just letting the world know. The reason why I am like this is because this is what the world likes. Every time I try to be nice, I get treated like crap. Someone mistakes my kindness for weakness.

 

 So yes, I am an arrogant, cold hearted bastard. And that is exactly what you like. You either like me this way because you like it. Or you like me this way so you can look down on me. Either way, I don’t care.

This has been an interesting start of a new year. And while I have not made any new year’s resolutions, I have been working on me lately. First of all, of course is my humility. It is hard for people to notice because I am so awesome, but I have been working on it. Another main thing I have been working on is how I have to have everyone taken care of. I have decided that is not my responsibility anymore. I used to have to try and have every angle covered, know where all the pieces are and make sure everyone is in the loop. Now, not so much. For example when I used to get together with friends I would call everyone and coordinate everything. I was always checking on where people wanted to go and it was just a big hassle. Now I get a time and place and don’t worry about it. If someone is late, I don’t sweat it and if the first place is packed, I can now move to a new place without waiting for everyone to make sure everyone is taken care of. In the rescue diver course they teach you that an unconscious diver is better to deal with than a panicked diver. So if you have a panicked diver underwater, you are supposed to stay away from them. If they have air, give them a chance to calm down. If they don’t have air, let them pass out and then give them air and take them to the surface. As messed up as it sounds, most dive accidents are double fatalities. One person freaks out and takes the other down with them. That is my new approach to life. If someone is being self destructive, and I mean really dedicated to the action, I will let them do it and be standing by in case it blows up in their face. So if you try to climb into the tiger cage at the zoo I will try to tell you it is a bad idea. But if you prove that you are not going to listen to reason, I am not going to climb in with you to try and talk you out of it. I will quietly call over a zoo keeper and be ready to call 911. Who knows, maybe I am wrong and it is a good idea, but in case I am right, I got your back. The best part of this, for you, is that there is no “I told you so.” When that tiger fucks you up, I will ride with you to the hospital and say, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you.” Over beers I will regale everyone with a tale of how you valiantly faced a fearsome creature and came out stronger. The last thing anyone needs at that time is an “I told you so.” They need help getting back up, not someone pushing them down. This does not include actual requests for help. I got a call from a friend who had some bad news, the first thing I did was tell him to come out for drinks. That night he got to vent about it and hopefully feels better. I am always there for my friends and I will continue to be there for them. But I am not going to let those that aren’t listening drag me down. I have a lot of my own stuff going on, I can’t get lost in the weeds on some silly stuff. To summarize, if you are in need of help I got your back. Lose your job, your car, your favorite fish, I am the first person with a sixer of beer and a dry shoulder. But if you are dating some psycho chick, deciding to give up your career for a life as a Spanish matador, or moving to Greenland in search of oil I will say my peace and get out of your way. If it blows up in your face, I am the sixer, dry shoulder guy again. So in 2009, I will be working on me. Until I am a better person or get bored with it. It is not my job to work on you. p.s. cool point for whomever gets the refernce in the title.