12 Signs You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School
12) Lesson 1: A guy who looks and sounds like Danny DeVito in a bathrobe
points to a pile of concrete blocks and says "Knock yourselves out,
Grasshoppers."
11) All the trophies in the display case appear to be altered bowling
trophies.
10) Due to a misspelling of "Martial Arts" on the door, half the class
shows up with vibrators and lotions.
9) Other students show up with sketchbooks.
8) Instead of belts, levels of prowess are denoted by colorful
suspenders and co-ordinating ascots.
7) Although the Grandmaster's hands "move faster than the eye can see",
you can still detect a fair amount of nose picking goin on.
6) The lesson keeps getting interrupted while the Master swaps french
fry baskets.
5) As a student is wheeled out by paramedics, the instructor say "Class,
name 3 things Alan did wrong."
4) You're pretty sure "Monkey Style" does not involve masturbation and
throwing feces at your attacker.
3) You practice kicks on a stage while sweaty men stuff dollar bills in
your g-string.
2) Spent the first eight lessons learning to talk while moving your lips
in a seemingly unrelated manner.
and the Number 1 Sign You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School
1) At the end of every class, your instructor says, "...or you could
just buy a friggin' gun."
