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12/05/2004

Why I deserve to keep my hair. Christopher Parrish Audience: My DNA It seems my genetics’ are smiting me. At 28 years old I am losing my hair. Not that it’s appropriate at any age for ones own body to defy them, but when it happens to some one as naturally immature as I am it set’s the stage for strange conflict’s with ones self. I deserve to keep what’s left of my hair as I do not yet represent an older man or even a mature one. Yes I’m aware that youth is fleeting. I’m closer to 30 than I like and many have said I should go back to working in an office. I made very good money working in Telecom where balding is still very fashionable. A mature man or a wise man might do just that. Let the ends justify the means, work hard at something unpleasant to save for the inevitable goal of home ownership, spouse and kids. Not this aging post teen. Since my return to this semi urban area I’ve taken a delivery job with no future, fun co workers and intend to study English and Flash (making cartoons). Neither has the promise a mature man would seek in economic security. Further proof my body is running amok and falsely representing me. It’s not just how I choose to make money; I’m immature in plenty of other ways. Take my hair (what’s left of it). I keep it long to be rebellious. Is it rebellious thou any more? No, but it makes me feel good for not looking like everyone else. For letting everyone know that I do not value all the boring adult things many of my peers cling to. I still blast punk rock and heavy metal music when I drive. I still watch way too many cartoons. I can’t leave a grocery store with out getting at least one toy from the vending machines. These are not mature, bald worthy things to do. No, once I restart a 401k then you can take my hair. I’m willing to make a deal, my spiteful DNA. In the long run your goal must be to successful merge with anther. To create something new, built from you two, or 12; however DNA does it, that you can then create a hundred trillion new cells, forming a newbie to exsitance, but it’s still part of you. Procreation is DNA’s immortality. I’m not even going to demand a return of the hair you let fall victim to gravity’s ways. We can call a truce right now and you have my word I will make procreation my top priority. Many feminine DNA’s do not look kindly on balding. See DNA if we work together we can both fulfill our destiny. I deserve to keep my hair till we can both get what we want out of this body. Now I’ve read somewhere that hair loss is the result of to much testosterone in the body. And I’m willing to believe that. But look at me. I’m only marginally a “heterosexual”; I have long hair and girlie arms. Doesn’t testosterone make one an alpha male and enjoy sports? I think you’ve got the wrong guy DNA. I read to much, have repeatedly danced in drag to entertain a woman, rarely eat meat and cry far too often while watching T.V. These are not the traits most people think of when testosterone is brought up. I believe that buy not displaying my testosterone I’ve earned the right to be immune to its ugly hairless side effects. So DNA, what will it be? Will you cease making claims about my physical maturity? You know I don’t deserve that. I can’t be trusted with a simple car stereo how can I be made to resemble a male of the middle years? I do want us to continue to coexist for as long as we can. Hair loss isn’t a deal breaker for me, but I know the ladies seem to prefer a full head of hair. And when it comes to fashion always trust what your lady say’s.
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