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sh*t faced!
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Completed Points
50 Year Old · Male · From Modesto, CA · Owned by DO NOT BUY ME C... and is worth 100,000,000,000 fuBucks. · Joined on November 17, 2015 · Relationship status: Single · Born on June 24th · I have a crush on someone and 2 different people have a crush on me!

My Name is Captain Johnny Bones of the Royal Sloop HMS Dancing Dervish, a few notes about what is loosely called the rules(don' like em) I as Captain don't visit Taverns ashore(No Lounges), I don't believe in the establishment or it's requirements(No Salute, and while we are on this subject why if you Ladies and Gents are here solely for the game is it important to know if someone is authentic to their photo...it doesn't it is only relevant if you are using this game site as an Adult dating site...ponder that for a moment and your hypocrisy and you think I am a Scoundrel lol), although those in my rank and file have seen me(My Family), and regrettably since all of the treasure is shared with me crew the Captain has no bling to offer however if it requires work I am happy to indulge this, in commencing with all of the negatives pick up a stein and let's have a toast to what we do believe in as follows: I invite one and all Ladies to join me crew, regrettably I do not accept applications from the less fair sex that I regrettably am a member of. I will still help my brethren in a pinch upon request. As for the Ladies a.k.a. the fairer sex please join me on an Adventure to sail the seas, Drink Rum and Pints until we are BLIND STINKIN DRUNK and dance like a dervish, sing like a Gypsy and the less restricting clothing the better, we have bells for your toes if you need to wear something during this floating party. As Captain I adore crew members much like seasoning in a simmering stew, the more ingredients the more savory the stew...not to mention Rum...Yes much Rum for seasoning, please make yourself at home, you may come and go as you please. Friend me(volunteer to me crew), Fan Me if this appeals to you, and if I am simply breath stealing for you Crush me, or if you are not as bold admire me, I will adore you as best as I am able. I am the diligent gardener adoring the flowers in the garden I tend of which you are one of a kind. Crew are completely voluntary so I will do my best to retain you as long as I can. On Occasion I have been known to take captive a Governor's Daughter, future bride, and the Prim and proper Ladies, from the boats we ransack(Own Me), all prisoners will be given full quarter and treated like honored guests whilst they are aboard until proper ransom can be paid. Come Aboard sail into countless Sunrises and Sunsets draw in the Sea Air and find your place here, and let the Sun embrace your Visage, and the Moonlight caress your Silhouette. Come join the fun...

Now a Post Script for those a little more dense than the rest a disclaimer if you will there is a reason to my madness of choosing a cartoon Pirate(which was once mistaken for Han Solo...no lie) I do not always behave myself in fact I am quite desired among my crew for this very fact, I do have gentle moments and have been known on occasion to behave admirably as a gentleman but this is the exception not the rule, if this offends your sensibilities Milady keep a safe operating distance....or simply put HELLLO I am a P I R A T E !?!?!?

As for Family Members if you do not return the favor you will be dropped from mine, and if you don't friend this Scoundrel(against your better judgment) you will not get Fanned either, as for Crushes like any man I must see something that I may Crush upon in order to Crush you, it will NEVER be handed as a favor for your Vanity or tight Corset strings so don't bother asking unless you are willing to abandon your vestments for the available bells for your toes aboard the ship and even then it is never guaranteed. As for pokes I use them to like and rate so if you hate pokes you must also hate Likes and Rates from me. Pretty simple and ever so fair but that does not fit here too well, but those who rebel like this old Salt are welcome to join upon this PARLEY sign your life away in BLOOD Here:X______________________ and Welcome Aboard get your tattoo in the fore of the ship and being sober is a punishable crime on board!!!

50 Year Old · Male · From Modesto, CA · Owned by DO NOT BUY ME C... and is worth 100,000,000,000 fuBucks. · Joined on November 17, 2015 · Relationship status: Single · Born on June 24th · I have a crush on someone and 2 different people have a crush on me!
Name: John
Birth Date: June 24
Birthplace: California
Current Location: California
Hometown: Modesto
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: Brown and Gray
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 358 lbs
Overused Phrase: I Know
Food: Mexican
Candy: Bit O Honey
Number: 8
Color: Midnight Blue
Animal: Parrot
Drink: Dr. Pepper
Alcohol Drink: Michelob
Bagel: Blueberry
Letter: J
Body Part on Opposite sex: that tender spot where the leg meets the pelvis
This or That
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
Strawberry or Watermelon: Watermelon
Hot tea or Iced tea: Iced Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Hot Chocolate or Coffee: Coffee
Kiss or Hug: Kiss
Dog or Cat: Dog
Rap or Punk: Rap
Summer or Winter: Summer
Scary Movies or Funny Movies: Funny Movies
Love or Money: Love
Bedtime: In the wee small hours of the Morning
Most Missed Memory: Grandma's House
Best physical feature: Eyes
First Thought Waking Up: What time is it
Goal for this year: Weekday job weekends off
Weakness: Fat Bottomed Ladies
Fears: Ineffectiveness
Heritage: Swedish/German/Blackfeet
Ever Drank: Yes
Ever been Drunk: Yes
Ever been beaten up: Yes
Ever beaten someone up: Yes
Ever Skinny Dipped: Nope
Favorite Eye Color: Brown
Favorite Hair Color: Brown
Short or Long: Long
Height: whatever
Style: doesn't matter
Looks or Personality: Sense of Humor/Warmth/Loyalty
Hot or Cute: Cute
Drugs and Alcohol: Alcohol is fine Mary J is tolerated
Muscular or Really Skinny: Neither like em Curvy
Number of Regrets in the Past: 2
What country do you want to Visit: New Zealand
How do you want to Die: Heroically
Been to the Mall Lately: nope
Do you like Thunderstorms: yes
Get along with your Parents: Yes
Health Freak: nope
Do you think you're Attractive: Absolutely most attractive in my weight class
Believe in Yourself: Mostly
Want to go to College: Did Not Finish
Do you Smoke: nope
Do you Drink: yes
Shower Daily: yes
Been in Love: yes
Do you Sing: Hell Yeah
Do you want Children:I have 5 kids already..
Hate anyone: If God don't hate them??? Who am I to argue the point, let Him deal with em!

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    Capn Johnny Bones "I'm Sorry, but I can't admire people whose answer to everything that they fear or misunderstand is "Kill It"." -Newt Scamander The Crimes of Grindelwald
    22 hrs ago · Comment

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