10 Reasons Why Corporations Aren’t People
1. People generally pay their annual income taxes.
2. People generally don’t have spreadsheets in place of a soul.
3. People generally have to make their own breakfast, wipe their own asses, and drive themselves to work in a vehicle that’s cheaper than the mini bar on a corporate jet.
4. People can show their faces in public without the fear of being bludgeoned by custard pies.
5. People don’t usually consider themselves a native of the Dutch Antilles for tax purposes.
6. People don’t generally dump chemicals into their drinking water and sell their coworkers to Vietnam.
7. People generally don’t eat caviar out the anus of a Michelangelo statue for breakfast during an economic recession.
8. People generally don’t forget how many pieces of real estate they own.
9. People generally don’t purchase golden commodes in which to crap on their lunch breaks during an economic recession (see Meryl Lynch CEO).
10. People generally don’t refer to multinational, lifeless, amorphous engines of soul-sucking greed whose sole purpose is to downsize and shed hard-earned American jobs in order to tear apart the earth in the Third World and enslave its local populations as, well, people.