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10/7 - 10/13/13

MONDAY'S JOKE

                                      Little Johnny: The perfect cock 

Johnny asked his dad, "daddy, whats a cock?" And dad says, "well, I will show you son." He proceeds to whip it out and proclaim "that son is a perfect cock."
Next day at school all Johnny's friends gather and ask "did you find out?"
Johnny says, "sure, let me show you" and proceeds to whip it out.
He says " this would be a perfect cock if it was 3 inches shorter."                                    

********************************************************************                                      TUESDAY'S JOKE

                                      Mime

                        Little Johnny up to no good again ...

Little Johnny's teacher decided that the children should learn about mime, so she had each of them develop a speech, which was to be relayed by using motion only. When Little Johnny's turn came, he stood up in front of the class:
"Ladies (grabbing chest) and gentlemen (grabbing crotch)..." Little Johnny's teacher wasn't amused, so she sent him to the Principal's office. Johnny explained what happened, so the sympathetic Principal told him to revise his speech as follows:
"Ladies (motioning woman's curves) and gentlemen (making a muscle with his arm)..."
Little Johnny went back to class and proceeded to give his speech again: "Ladies (motioning woman's curves) and gentlemen (making a muscle with his arm), it gives me great pleasure (whacking-off motion)..."

********************************************************************                                      WEDNESDAY'S JOKE 

                                      Little Johnny and his sister 

Johnny just had a baby sister. She kept crying all day long and was screaming up quite a storm, when Johnny asked his mom, "Mom, where did you get her, anyway?" Mom smiled and said, "She came from heaven, Johnny" "Oh Right!", Johnny said, "I can understand why they threw her out.

********************************************************************                                      THURSDAY'S JOKE
                                      Lil Johnny's unusual finger ....
"Class dismissed!" the teacher yelled.
Little Johnny doesn't go, he walks to the teachers desk and says, "Teachercan I go home with you?"
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
So the teacher says, "Okay."
They get to the teachers house and she says, "Well I'm going to take a quickshower, you sit right here."
"Can I take a shower with you?" he asks.
"NO!" says the teacher.
"I'll tell my daddy!!"
"Well, okay, I guess so."
So, they're in the shower and little Johnny says, "Can I turn off thelights?"
"No!" says the teacher.
"I'll tell my daddy."
"Well, okay."
So the lights are off and little Johnny says, "Can I stick my finger in yourbelly button?"
"NO!" says the teacher.
"I'll tell my daddy."
"Well, okay" says the teacher.
"JOHNNY!!!! That's not my belly-button!" says the teacher.
"Yeah? That's not my finger either."

********************************************************************                                      FRIDAY'S JOKE
                                      Little Johnny likes to gamble. 

One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city. 
Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling." 
So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him." 
The teacher says OK, she can handle it. 
The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny." 
She says yes I know who you are. 
Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt." 
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet. 
She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole. 
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why. 
So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost." 
The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem." 
Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he'd see your ass before the day was over."

********************************************************************                                      SATURDAY'S JOKES
                                      Little Johnny 

So Little Johnny walks into his classroom and he was late for class.
His teacher says "Why are you late?" Little Johnny says "Because i was on top of Blueberry Hill."
The next day another little boy comes in late and he was naked. The teacher says "Why are you naked and why are you late ?" The boy says "Because i was on top of Blueberry Hill. "
The next day a girl comes in and says "Hi, my name is Blueberrry Hill."

---------------------------------------------------------------------
                                      LITTLE APRIL

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. 
One day the teacher tried to catch little April to see if she was paying attention in class. She called on her while she was napping.
"Tell me, April, who created the universe?" 
When little April didn't stir Little Johnny, seated in the chair behind her, took a pen and jabbed her in the rear. 
"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good," and April fell back to sleep. 
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our lord and saviour?" 
But April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 
"JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said "Very good" and April fell back to sleep. 
Then the teacher asked April a third question. 
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had had their twenty third child?" 
Again Johnny jabbed her with the pen. 
This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F#%KING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOU'RE ASS!!"

********************************************************************                                      SUNDAY'S JOKES
                                      I can only hope!

Nadine: Were your parents upset when you got a divorce?
 Jill: Well, you know how parents are. My mother said,
 ''SO! Is this how it’s going to be? Just one man after another for the rest of your life?''
 Nadine: ''Typical! What did you tell her?''
 Jill: I said, ''I can only hope mom! - I can only hope!''

----------------------------------------------------------------------

                                      The honeymoon couple and the cabdriver

The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills.
 The driver wasn't too sure how to get there, so he told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination. 
 Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat. During the couple's moment of passion, the cabdriver noticed a fork in the road, and said, ''I take the next turn, right?'' 
 ''screw No, get your own woman,'' said the groom, ''this one's all mine!''                                      

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