It has officially been one year since I became attached to oxygen tubes. UNM for now it seems is more of a fantasy than a reality. I miss my bad ass RA Sheena. I miss bumping DeathMetal followed by Too Live Crews "Hoochie Mamma" Having someone knock one my door to introduce themselves and seeing the look on their face when I whiteboy dressed in black from his head to his feet with braids answers the door.
Since then I've have to learn to let go of a lot of things. Visiting Ms. Davis, and then visting my God Mother for a face to face about everything. Yes, people she is THAT important to me. I've had to miss out on a lot of great parties this summer but hopefully when my mother leaves I'll be able to make up for it. I've given up smoking and drinking regularly. I'll have a bottle of Wild Turkey 101 on handy for those nights that nightmares keep me awake. I miss out on a lot of spontaneous stuff. I've learned to let go of a life without pills. YES! Those kind. Nothing to hardcore, not yet anyways. I've learned to let go of seeing family and friends. My family, other than my Godmother is constantly blaming me for my health situation and what not. I've let go of romance. *Cue Ozzy in Backround*
I have started reading more books, which is good. TV is BAD! Porn well sadly, not even Flower Tucci, Olvia O'Lovely, Arianna Jollie, Sandra Romain, Sophie Dee, Katja Kassin, Vandahlia, Carmella Bing, Tiffany Mynx make me smile anymore. Texas Presley does though. Although, porn is good for something else. Reading material yes people, I studied to be a Paralegal so anything law has my attention and people are always suing porn studios and producers, and now Pornstars are suing fucked up Media internet companies. I love reading legal stuff so if you find anything SEND IT TO ME! I do watch movies though, I'm that person that would whoop your ass at a movie triva game. I LOVE documentary pieces. I suggest you check out "Cocaine Cowboys" SCARFACE for real..then check out America the War on Drugs the Last word, and finally check out MAXED OUT. These are awesome pieces *WARNING* The will make you uncomfortable...They will make you think.
I haven't talked to anybody from school not because I don't like them, but just because it's too hard. I often feel like I failed since I couldn't stay in school. I know I know everybody is screaming at me online courses! MY DSL sucks. K end of disscussion. I do however keep in contact with the down ass homegirl who hooked me up with my braids though. Have to do that. I can't tell you how many times I've just wanted to shut everybody out and disapppear. People get all messed up when I do that. I wish I had a video game system to mess with straight up even a Nintendo ZELDA all the way! But alas no money. N there's no waaay im asking my parents for money for one...I'm not a spoiled 12yr old.
If I did have a system I'd buy Madden, and lots of Fighting games. So that way when my mother negetives energy adds to my own shit I could just plug in and kick some ass and feel better. No shooting games though. I'd prefer to do my shooting the "This is my riffle, there are many like it but this one is mine way. I'd probably spend all day taking apart my weapon cleaning it and putting it back together so I didn't loose my mind.
