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BrightEyedArtist's blog: "ME"

created on 05/21/2007  |  http://fubar.com/me/b84553  |  4 followers


All my life, Ive never felt as though I belong. Confused on a constant. Unsure of who is or what is right or wrong. Only ever having movies or Tv, I learned to only trust what I could see. Words being nothing less then empty. Especially if coming from me. Beginning from birth, So those around me have made certain to agree. Always feeling as if I will "pop"! Never finding the right words, & that factor never seeming to stop. To little to late is clear & always the fate to me. Ive know idea what it is I expected. Only that the warm loving closeness is all I ever wanted. The ideal stereo type is what I thought was right & all this pent up anger in me is due to that never being in my sight. Happiness is all I seek. My choices made directly to become the ideal stereo type. Having watched all my life, other's having & doing everything I ever wanted. All due to their loving families. I felt for sure when I began to set my mind to my life's plan. That the circle that of which I come from would be broken. Greed & selfishness & lack of humanity, the plethora of crimes my eyes have seen. The blood line I come from being nothing less then obscene. Good intentions, I'm sure where somewhere. Though for me they were eluded & the lesser of all, used as a tool, it shoved down my throat. Neglected & unheard, intentionally miss guided. I'm your personal patsy. Jaw work creating more & making it happen. This blood line, I come from, riddled with gross humanity, lie's & secrets. Validation, acceptance of responsibility during hypocrisy. They only come foreword when your making more money or become a small celebrity. Delude the truth to gain personal gain, its politics & seems to be the way of true humans. Humanity truly being a farce, every last wonderful actually being an accident. & brainiacs we are not. Do as I say not as I do, though in life's plan, it often forces you to become untrue. As genuine as the heart can be, idea's & lie's seem be the prevailed & what all want to see. Life full of heartache & confusion, who is really full of delusion. I question myself more then all else. Simply due to my entire life's doubts. Word semantics is a bail out, the one thing the deceptive hold onto for their way out. Though be you a man of your word. Whats that mean really? Not a soul in my life Ive found that I could trust freely. Inexperience & ego in the way, who isn't there, that we cant offend? So when does it stop let alone begin. When the misunderstood is allowed to be heard & live again. I can't be alone in my ideas, I can't be the only one whom has lived feeling these things. As unique as humanity is suppose to be, I find it difficult to believe since all Ive been taught is how much of a nothing I & that fact eludes me. Everyones perspectives is what seems to be the truth. Though black & white is what is always mute.
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