sexy amphibian fetus's blog: ""

I found myself walking in a mist Unnerved beyond pains existence Clenched face and fists Giving up without resistance Falling to a heap on natures' carpet Begging for relaxation's release Tears of hurt tasting the sharpest Enable only to give and please Lost in musicians' expression I look to the sky for false answers Hopes of losing built tension Sensations creep along like cancers Turning into a wanted ghost Feelings pour from a running faucet Becoming nothing of a boast Left to return to my fears' closet Hidden in life's darkness Safety being a happy feel Meetings of the heartless Regaining a glint of zeal Peering from the heavy door Removed from dramatic hectism Knowing how I wanted more Using a closet for my Sanctum Wrapped with my fears' blanket Stepping from shadows without notice Dreams of how I want to make it Crouching in Fears' Closet made me hopeless

I walked many miles Carrying uncountable false faces One I held true all the while Takes me to dark places I waited for others to send rescue Praying for miracles unsent In my hand was blood untrue Blaming myself I never attempted to vent...

I have found in my mind Things I once left behind Now without a second thought I know the pains I wrought Apologies of dissappointed blame When I already did the same Rather not just one faulty of lies We choose to act greater and more wise Looking to what we can find Only enable to see as if to be blind Hating our untruths caught Tying webs of deceit in knots Pointing out others shame Treating life as a game Caring less as to why Giving in as we all slowly die Forgetting forgiveness is easily said As others lie in our bed Hurt being promised not In the end that is all I got...

I trail about without a thought Powerless over others actions No matter how I may wrought Minds give different re-actions Giving substance to my fears Concluding what I have found I sit knowing in tears We all are just chaos bound

Into a dim horizon I dissappear No thoughts of what to fear Pride dies with each stride Sadness settles with every tear cried Unable to hold on anymore Perceptions of being no more I push against destined fate Boxing my mind into a crate To who holds the key I plead "will you set me free" Happiness you will then serve Valor given to who it is deserved I ask again with a please Give me life's ease For it I would owe you it all 'Till the day of my last fall Bearing my soul only to you Our love will forever be true

We once held each other tight Now viewed in a different light We once shared everything Now we became nothing We once said I love you Now only I say it to you We once dreamed our souls forever together Now I dream alone of being together

I lay in wake Awaiting Darkness Blanket In hopes of less hate Fears at a loss Dreams to come Of better things Happy days Hopes for me Yet it never shows Darkness never comes So I lay in wait

I'm sorry my babies For leaving you behind I can't go on Living this close To your mom Seeing her with another Has destroyed me forever She has driven me away I LOVE all of you Always & Forever Until I see you two I'll be missing you Life can be hard Keep your head up Stay strong Don't worry 'bout dad I may be gone Through you I live on

We once were everything Allowing others & things Destroy our Love had Tears from being sad I can only pray how Happiness you find now Even as my soul is in pain I know heartache won't remain For I am to late From saving my soul-mate

Well a coupla nights ago I was told by some-one how much they loved some-one else... Then the next night got my ass kicked by her. Not a big deal... I just feel stupid for holding onto wishful thinking... So I am moving April 15th back to NV. I feel horriable just cause I have to leave my kids behind. She took my heart and soul... Now she will have my kids as well. I can't even begin to talk of how much pain I am in anymore. I've done all I could for them and now I am drained of myself... Life has become uber lonely now. I wish for a magic pill that would make wanted or loved. Not just by her but, from family as well. If you know me you know what I mean and what I'm talking about. "Sometimes I lay in wait. Pondering if only through my death will I then be loved? Will I be then noticed? Then I realize... the only person going to my funeral is me..."