Brian's blog: ""

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sandra, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you like under there?" Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.'

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested. Sandra told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sandra the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon arriving, asked his wife: "Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sandra answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

Sandra, using her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is quite a poker player!

To the Guy  Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before  last.
Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A M EST.

I was  the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you  demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the  knife on my girlfriend and me, threatening our lives.  

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and  earrings.

I can only hope that you somehow come  across this rather important message.

First, I'd  like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my  pistol after you took my Jacket. The evening was not  that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.  

My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber  Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had  picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.  

Obviously you agree that it is a very  Intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, wasn't  it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back  to wherever you'd come from bare footed since I made you  leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me.   That prevented you from calling or running to your  buddies to come help mug us again.

After I  called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in  your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd  done. Then I Went and filled up my gas tank as well as  four other people's in the gas station on your credit  card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons  and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to  a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with  all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]  

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp  mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke  the windshield and side window and keyed the entire  driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a  bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.   Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I  only used the phone for a little over a day now, so  what's going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to  get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office  and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as  my possible target.  The FBI guy seemed really  intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he  traced your number, etc).

In a way, perhaps I  should apologize for not killing you . . . but I feel  this type of retribution is a far more appropriate  punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as  you try to sort through some of these rather immediate  pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the  opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the  career path you've chosen to pursue in life.  

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.  

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,  
Alex

well the day is here ac/dc is playing here in Vancouver tonight is been soldout for awhile but the other day i got a couple of tickets and was so happy i was going untill.......yesterday my sister was over and told me about a co worker at work age (39) who is dying of cancer and is a ac/dc fan my sisters asked if i could get here a t-shirt. well during the night i thought i can do better i'm giving her my two tickets to the show. might be her last .and i can always see another..so see i do have a soft side...have a great weekend everyone

Two old guys were chatting.....

One said to the other:

"My 85th birthday was yesterday.

The wife gave me an SUV".
Other guy responded:

"Wow, that's amazing!!.....

Imagine, an SUV!!..

What a great gift!"
First guy:

"Yup !!.... Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"

Finally, the guys’ side of the story.
( I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear ‘the rules’
From the female side 


 

  Now here are the rules from the male side.  


These are our rules!
Please note.. These are all numbered ‘1 ‘
ON PURPOSE! 


 

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down..
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon
Or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the   other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.



1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.  Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.


But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
To give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women  as you can   To give them a bigger laugh