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Carly3030's blog: ""

created on 04/22/2008  |  http://fubar.com/-/b209306

I hope this link works..

http://www.legacy.com/BDTOnline/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=134122977

This boy is/was my nephew. 22 years old......He commited suicide! ( oxycontin and xanax). The wake is tonight...I really don't want to remember him this way....Would it be wrong if I decided not to go...?

 
 
I am only writing concerning the phone call I got from mom this morning...First, I didn't call Dorothy a "whore"! I said bitch....Howard's wife asked me if she should be worried about him working out there...would Dot try anything....she's had heard stuff previously! I have tried my damndness to leave this all alone...I seen her at WalMarts about 3 weeks ago! Why is it being twisted now? Secondly, I know I have been a bitch as well....I know this! I was hurt, and you didn't seem to understand! I felt like I was being dangled over the edge of a cliff....I said things I should not have in text to you! I hate that any of this happened, but, what is done is done! I was in the wrong as well... this I can admit...
I am not out for blood, I have no vendetta against no one!  I am not out to see you fail... I wish you all the best of luck! This is my side of the story first hand...not from any one else's mouth! I am not out running my mouth about you all....and when it comes to Carol and them...all I said was my side of the story as to why I was let go....and I counteracted the lies that I had Supposedly lost you all accounts! I didn't! I was lied to that is what hurt the most! If Terry didn't want me coming back when school started...he should never had promised me that Thursday I would have my job back! I told him that day it would kill me to come in there and someone different at my desk! So, when I came in... I felt betrayed by the two people in this world other than my kids, that I loved and cared for the most!
I do over react sometimes...I know this, as do lots of others...I guess this is why...I thought us not talking was for the best...so that I couldn't say any thing more hurtful....I strike with words... I was SO hurt...I swear the hurt I felt...that day was more than it should have been but that's me...and I am Emotional right.....I care...I hurt...I have feelings as well...and I had NO one...to talk to about what I was feeling! The person I could have talked to is the one... I felt hurt me! I did get my side of the story out...because God knows there were many thrown around! I had that right....anyhow...if you want to ask me anything...or you hear anything  I was supposed to have said...I would prefer you ask me....I have nothing to hide!
 
 
Me

an this was her reply as per my other blog....

 

CARLENE,
 
WHAT'S DONE IS DONE, I HAVE LOST A SISTER- 1 NEPHEW- 2 NIECES. AND I'M DEALING WITH THAT! AS YOU HAVE LOST A SISTER- 1 NIECE & 1 NEPHEW SPEAKING FOR MYSELF ONLY............................! YOU HURT OK, THEN YOU WANT TO SAY YOU HAVE NO LONGER GOT 2 SISTERS. HOW DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD FEEL.? I TAKE THOUGHS WORDS VERY SERIOUSLEY.! I WAS TOLD YEARS AGO FROM SOMEONE THAT I AM DEAD TO THEM AND IT HURT SOOOOOOOOOO BAD, I TOLD MYSELF THEN NEVER AGAIN WILL I BE HURT LIKE THAT AGAIN. SO, YES, BE IT MONTHS FROM NOW OR YEARS DON'T COME TO ME AND TRY AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF, AND EXPECT ME TO EXCEPT IT CAUSE I WONT............! A SIMPLE STAYING AWAY TO ALL OF US COOL OFF WAS ENOUGH THEN YOU HAD TO SAY THAT, NOPE I'M NOT DEALING WITH IT, IT'S OVER AND DONE WITH I HAVE MY LIFE AND YOU HAVE YOURS....... I MEAN IT I'AM DEAD TO YOU, DON'T TRY AND CONTACT ME IN ANY WAY SHAPE NOR FORM, I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D TAKE ME AND MY FAMILY'S PICTURES OFF YOUR MYSPACE.
AND YOR OTHER DEAD/ WHORE OF A SISTER SAID QUIT TALKING ABOUT HER!!! CAUSE SHE'S DEAD ALSO"LET THE DEAD BE DEAD!"
This was the lastest letter I recieved from my "sister", I have written a previous blog as to the job I lost and to whom...What I want to know is....was it wrong for me to preply...Dead people can't send Emails....!
P.S. I really am devasted! Any advice or love...would be greatly appreciated!
CARLENE,
 
WHAT'S DONE IS DONE, I HAVE LOST A SISTER- 1 NEPHEW- 2 NIECES. AND I'M DEALING WITH THAT! AS YOU HAVE LOST A SISTER- 1 NIECE & 1 NEPHEW SPEAKING FOR MYSELF ONLY............................! YOU HURT OK, THEN YOU WANT TO SAY YOU HAVE NO LONGER GOT 2 SISTERS. HOW DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD FEEL.? I TAKE THOUGHS WORDS VERY SERIOUSLEY.! I WAS TOLD YEARS AGO FROM SOMEONE THAT I AM DEAD TO THEM AND IT HURT SOOOOOOOOOO BAD, I TOLD MYSELF THEN NEVER AGAIN WILL I BE HURT LIKE THAT AGAIN. SO, YES, BE IT MONTHS FROM NOW OR YEARS DON'T COME TO ME AND TRY AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF, AND EXPECT ME TO EXCEPT IT CAUSE I WONT............! A SIMPLE STAYING AWAY TO ALL OF US COOL OFF WAS ENOUGH THEN YOU HAD TO SAY THAT, NOPE I'M NOT DEALING WITH IT, IT'S OVER AND DONE WITH I HAVE MY LIFE AND YOU HAVE YOURS....... I MEAN IT I'AM DEAD TO YOU, DON'T TRY AND CONTACT ME IN ANY WAY SHAPE NOR FORM, I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D TAKE ME AND MY FAMILY'S PICTURES OFF YOUR MYSPACE.
AND YOR OTHER DEAD/ WHORE OF A SISTER SAID QUIT TALKING ABOUT HER!!! CAUSE SHE'S DEAD ALSO"LET THE DEAD BE DEAD!"

So,I am usually just a goof...but, I also have feelings...and Im just lost right now..My dog grizzly was hit by a car today. There were severe internal injuries...I had to have him put to sleep...I am not dealing real well with this..my children are all devasted. My little one cried her self to sleep saying over and over..I want Griz. She asked me what color his wings were. I told her since he was a boy they would have to be blue. Grizzly adopted me...3 years ago he showed up at my door with a lil pregnant hound dog... I found his family..they came an got him...he came back to me. Hes been my best friend since then...we needed each other. What am I supposed to do with this hole in my heart..I am so lost...please any advice would be greatly appreciated...along with prayers.
Your Heart is Feeling Passionate
Your heart is brimming with passion, intensity, and extreme lust.
You definitely have desire for one particular person, and it seems like nothing can squelch your craving.
You are ready to walk across fire for the one you love.

Deep down, your heart is susceptible to: Distrust and aggression . You're determined to get what you want.

Your current outlook on love: Love equals obsession. Love equals mania. Love equals thirst.

Your love life will improve if you: Follow your passion far, but not so far as to ruin your life.

Watch out for: False feelings. Your emotions are intense, but they could easily mislead you.
The Part of You That No One Sees
You are compassionate, caring, and soothing.
You like other people to depend on you...
In fact, you don't feel right unless you are helping someone out.

Underneath it all, you feel the burden of everyone's problems.
Without your guidance, you fear that many people's worlds would fall apart.
You like to feel in charge, even if it brings you a lot of stress.
Your Passion is Pink!
You're the type of woman that would never get described as passionate...
Oh but you can be passionate at times - you just don't let it show.
Your passion most shows through in your sweet and optimistic attitude.
And chances are, most people are very passionate about you!
Your Linguistic Profile:
65% General American English

25% Dixie

5% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

0% Yankee
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