LynchMom's blog: ""

Sing this to the tune of "I Will Survive"... Ready... set... go... At first I was afraid, I was petrified. When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died! But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong, And I knew that I could take you on... But there you are, another lie, I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French Fry! I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream, Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those jeans! Go on now - go, walk out the door, Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4! Weren't you a punk to think I wouldn't find you out!? Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count??!! [Chorus] I will survive! I will survive! Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive! I will always have good sex, wit h a handful of latex! I will survive! I will survive!...Hey! Hey! It took all my self control not to laugh out loud, When I saw your little wiener standing tall and proud! But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs, Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed! [Chorus] I will survive! I will survive! Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive! I will always have good sex, With a handful of latex! I will survive! I will survive!....Hey! Hey!

I am very very glad I have a heavy, tall headboard on my bed. It is very useful as a tool to keep me in one place to maximize the enjoyment that can be had when I sit near it.

Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' Elephant!" Deep breath ... "What did you call it?" "It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!" and so it does .. "A f r i c a n Elephant"

I was so excited, woohoo!! DH and I got dressed and went out to the garage to get the bikes out. Oh I didnt tell you he bought me a motorcycle, yeah Baby. Its a 98 HD Sportster 883. I know I know not the one I really want but that will come later and it is a cool looking bike so nyah. So we got the bikes out of the garage and took them to the front of the driveway. I got on mine and we proceeded to go over all the controls, I tested the gears for a bit so I would know when I was in what gear, DH was going over safety stuff with me so I wouldn't go tearing down the street. We decided it would be best just for me to try and go up and down the driveway for now till I got the feel of it. Now I was ready, I knew I could do this and before you know it we would be ridding down the street together. I started the bike, made sure I was in first gear and slowly let off the cluch, I was moving forward slowly. I let off the clutch a fraction of an inch too much, the bike lurched just enough to freak me out and I let go of everything(dumb yes I know) including a scream(OMG, I am a girl!) , then I grabbed hold of the handlebars again but couldn't get my grip back on the clutch in time. Wow, my first crash...........less than 6 feet from where I started. Four by fours and 8 foot wood panel fences aren't as strong as they are supposed to be. I broke one of each. I have a six inch scrape down my right front leg and a sore spot next to it that is just starting to bruise. The fence cannot be saved because I broke the shit out of it. I didn't really like that panel anyway, it always looked at me funny and got in my way. We got the bike back up, moved the fence out of the way and then it wouldn't start, CRAP. Finally got it started again and THIS time I made sure to keep my hand on that clutch no matter what! I went up and down the driveway several times and now feel more confident that I will do this, its just too damn cold right now but on the next nice day my fat ass will be out there again. This time tho I wont just have my confidence I will have experience to remember to NOT LET GO OF THE DAMN CLUTCH TILL ITS ACTALLY TIME.