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Puzzled

for the past 17 years of my life. my mother has not really taken an interest in what's going on with me. she's been so wrapped up in my younger brothers life that i've pretty much been ignored by her. now for some reason she has taken an extreme interest in what's going on. i'm not quite sure what to make of it. i don't know if it's the fact that james and kristina are taking care of my medical expenses right now and they are care about what's going on and it's making mom guilty or what. she's asking me to go places with her, taking me to the movies, sending dinner over here, inviting me to the fair with her and dad, wanting to come to my next doctor appointment. i'm honestly not sure what bug crawled up her ass to make her take an interest in my life. miind you, i'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, but my suspicions are raised. i honestly don't know what to think or do about it. normally the only time she bothers to get involved with my life, i'm in trouble for something that i did or didn't do with the relatives. this is a whole new thing to me. yeah, she doesn't know about the relationship james, kristina, and myself have but i think she has her suspicions. i'm kinda wondering when i should tell her about it. my aunt shauna, dylan, and daniel know about the relationship. just not quite sure what to make of this.

Venting

hypothetical thought for the day.say you were in a relationship with a couple who had been together for a while and technically you are the new person. one of the other people has the seniority complex that makes them think they are entitled to more priviledged things. In actuallity you are supposed to be as equals in the relationship. Everything goes great for a while but then every few months hell break loose because something doesn't seem right with the seniority complex. Its just so frustrating right now. It makes a person wonder if they really are wanted in the relationship. I'm tired of playing the game of cat and mouse. I can't keep going through it. There is a reason behind my posting this as a public matter because I want input on how this should be handled. I'm pissed off and upset and hurt by it. The person is one of my partners. You know who you are and I know that you will read this eventually. You can rant and vent to our other partner but you can't come to me. You say that you need to take time to get your thoughts together before you speak to me and nothing gets said. This is the last straw. Its not fair to myself and its not fair to our other partner. You can get pissed off at me for doing this I don't really care. I don't know how to handle this right now. It was your idea to go into this as equals when we started this relationship. Now it just seems like you want to be primary and me as secondary. If that's how you want it then fine. The secondary wants to date outside the triad and IF you ever get your shit figured out I'll still be here but I'm just the secondary until then.

Eh

So things haven't exactly worked out like I had planned. Got enrolled back in school. Yay me. Doing online classes through University of Phoenix. Since I can't exactly make it to a physical classroom right now. Still don't know what in the hell is going on with my back. The nerve conduction study didn't go so well. They couldn't do part of the test due to me being allergic to adhesive. They weren't able to attach the electrodes needed. They only done the part where they stuck a needle repeatedly into my leg. It fucking hurt. Only let them do the right leg. There was no way I would have been able to handle having both legs stabbed. He was vicious. I thought they would be sticking the needle in my lower back but I was wrong. I won't know the results from that until the 8th. I think anyways. The appointment with pain management didn't go so well the other day. The topical gel they gave me isn't working. My doctor is now wanting to send me to a neurologist and do a spinal tap. Its just not fucking fair. I have no life. Can't go back to work yet. I just want this mess to be over and done with. I wish they could figure out what the cause of this is and get it under control. The only productive thing is starting school on monday.
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